Numb hands grip rigid blue walls,
stepping carefully on frictionless white.
Picture frames are frosted over,
becoming ancient silhouettes.
The wind howls, biting at my eyes,
winding from where two snowmen sit.
I glide, softly and silently,
as not to disturb their quiet contest.
Author notes
You do not need air conditioning to create a cold house.
- Poetic adventures group list • next in list
A contest entry
- PREWRITTEN POEMS!!!!! by kavi22.
450 points, ended August 5, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 65 of 65
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Oh I do so like this one... very well penned. I love the last two lines; such an interesting way to end it.
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I liked the term blue walls
Few know that snow is not white, but blue
Lovely
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Wow, I can see why this is your favorite, it's amazing. I really love it. Great job!
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Thanks a lot.
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beautiful imagery... felt chilled as i was reading. your use of vocabulary and expression of thoughts here mixed quite nicely. especially - " Picture frames are frosted over,becoming ancient silhouettessentences combined quite well here." i think that was your strongest line here.
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Thank you very much. ^_^
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You expressed you thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
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Thank you very much for your kind comment.
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Seems to it that the earth's atmosphere has frozen everything. Is frigidity caused by time or by choice? Is there a way that warmth be brought back just to revive life? As I read your piece, I think no. Anyway, this is a deeply felt written poem. Good job!
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I'm not exactly sure where you are coming from with this comment, but I find it interesting.
Thanks though.
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Its...Really....Pre-no no....No words can describe the beauty and genius behind these words. Truely amazing write. I Love It.
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Thank you very much.
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that's cool. lol. like.. literally XD lol.
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heh heh. Thank you.
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"Frictionless white" is GENIUS! I loved it. I disagree with the last person to comment. I think it's a lovely write! And too bad if they didnt like it because of what you said in the Authors Notes. Great work.
Warmest,
Mylee -
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Thank you. I really enjoy this one too.
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i didnt like it
none of it made sence!!
its nothing against you
its just me personally.
silverwolf -
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Well, I'm sorry you didn't like it, but it isn't really that surprising; you're 13, and most people of my generation don't even understand it. Good luck to you though.
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Wow lots of big words :] Great write never the less i liked it alot. So very well thought up and very well written.
..<3..
Shelly -
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Thank you.
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Oh, my goddess... This is possibly the most stunning collection of words I have seen in a long time. Great take on the prompt, I'm surprised, in the disappointed sense, that you didn't win a shiny trophy. This deserved something for sure... Utter brilliance, well done!
In love and light,
Laura, aka Immortal x
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Well, it did not win a trophy because I did not enter it in a contest. I actually had no idea there was a prompt that related to this. 0_0 I wish I knew now! Anyway, thank you very much for your comment.
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bravo
Calvin and Hobbs!!! -
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Calvin and Hobbs? Okay, sure. Thank you.
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Short, but definitely sweet.
There are different images I saw in my mind for this one. In one image, I am in the house looking at the snowmen outside. In another image, I am in the hallway, and house has been over come by snow, and two snowmen are actually sitting on the living room floor. LOL. Ah, what the mind does. haha.
Anyone who can paint a picture in the fewest of words, has true talent.
But we already know you've got it, don't we Robert?
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Yes, I suppose we do. Thank you. You have always have awesome comments for me.
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painted with frozen paint
nice imagery here.. like it alot.. max clappies
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Thank you.
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Stunning writing. I like this a lot. You have a lot of imagery here. Well done. Keep writing.
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
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Thank you very much. You are well regarded here, so your comment has some weight to it. Thank you.
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very good imagery here i enjoyed this
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Thank you.
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Your imagery provokes reactions from both the body and the soul. Your poem could describe a physical reality or a psychological reaction to the real world.
To me it speaks to the experience of reading on-line chatter of people who are merely electronic shadows on blue screens gone white across which their words scroll silently, leaving no lasting impression. Their winds howl with outrageous but cold-hearted hyperbole. It stings the sensibilities, chilling hope, until I realize the participants are merely caricatures, as easily disregarded as their words. Escape from their frigid, cruel inanity is only a click away.
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I like your interpretation; I don't think I ever would have thought of that. Thank you.
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Wow that is quite a poem you have penned.
I like your beginning descriptions
'Numb hands grip rigid blue walls,
stepping carefully on frictionless white.'
The colours are very harsh and emotionless and the rigid is a great antithesis of frictionless, this causes a great division in the poem that seems to become a mystery as to why the house is literally or metaphorically frozen.
I like the way you pick personal objects, refering to the picture frames the fricative language you use is great, the descriptions realy lower the temperature of your poem. you made me freeze.
My favorite lines have to be:
'Picture frames are frosted over,
becoming ancient silhouettes.
The wind howls, biting at my eyes,'
I just realy like the flow of your words here, suggesting enjambment, where the cold causes the delusion of the persona and many other functions to fail like the eyes.
Enjoyable read.
Fire
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Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it and see so much in it. I'm definitely becoming more proud of this one. Thank you for commenting!
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This is such a quiet write and yet I read your bio and you say you're in turmoil. It's very nice, not great yet, just my opinion.
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When it comes to my state of being, I tend to suffer silently. I bottle up my feelings, even though it has negative effects on me. Anyway, thank you for saying it's nice, and as for it not being great, I believe no matter what that it accomplished what I set out to do. I'm proud of it. Thank you for the feedback.
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tenderly written
and that's for darn sure, you do not air conditioning
to create a cold cold house.
I felt the cold bite of hypothermia in your poem.
Very well done!
ears/Seattle
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Thank you!
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Very descriptive ...
and tactile ... I can feel the frost! Wow. You DO write very well.
Now ... in the fourth line: did you mean silhouettes? Typo, there. Other that that, brilliant. I loved how this can be read on both physical and emotional levels.
Blessed be,
Myra
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Thank you for your comment! Yes, I did mean silhouettes. When I forget how to spell a word, I spell it how it sounds to me and sometimes its wrong. I should use my dictionary more often. I'll fix it. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I almost always try to give my pieces a duality; I guess because it presents a challenge to me as a writer. Thank you for reading!
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brilliant metaphor :)
the picture crystalizes in the last three lines... beautiful.
I do wonder a little about word choices in L4 and L6 ("becoming ancient" as in sudden aging? and "winding" meaning following a curved path?)
All in all, I think this is an excellent example of metaphoric artistry. -
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Thank you very much. I worked hard to make sure the metaphors and imagery came out just the way I wanted them too. As for the lines you pointed out, "becoming ancient" does not mean sudden aging as much as it means old, perhaps happier, memories are becoming unclear and unrecognizable. And yes, you can take winding to mean following a curved path. Anyway, thank you for enjoying it.
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ummm...i liked it...the part about the picture fames was cool but i didnt really get the part about the snowman...Its kinda sad and makes you think of death and coldness...frozen death...kinda creepy
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Thank you very much. The snowmen symbolize my parents, to put it simply. Hopefully that helps put the rest of the poem into perspective.
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I love it
it's fascinating and I can almost feel the chills!
keep writing!
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Thank you!
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This is actually extremly good. I think you have done the winter chill a great deal of justice. The third and fourth lines take on a very personal content. I really like biting at my eyes. Also the the statement regarding the snowmen is great and their quiet contest is very grabbing. As if one had to be quit and gentle or they might awaken from their task at hand. I may send you a link and see what you think of it if you should want it. RC
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Thank you! I'm very glad you enjoyed it; I wrote it surprsingly quickly, but it's nice to know my intended effect came through. Thank you for commenting so nicely.
Link of what?
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. I thoroughly enjoyed the imagery you created. It almost gave me chills. Again, very well done.
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Thank you very much. I'm glad it had an effect on you.
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You are quite welcome.
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scary, but a fascinating write
wonderful work
miley -
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Scary? Not quite what I was going for, but thank you.
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I love how you described the scene in this one. You really painted a rather nasty picture in my mind. Lol... Yikes. Anyways.
Nice poem
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Thank yuo very much.
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I think I get it, but, uhm. I'm not sure. hehe. I like it though. You have amazing vocabulary. You're very good at using different words to describe somthing else; it makes your writing so much fun to read. I love it <3
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Thank you! ^_^ <3
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Oh my God! I loved the beginning of it but from there I got so lost its not even funny! I hate it when you do that! I swear, you do it just to spite me! I'm not going to ask you to explain it. I'm going to sit here for a minute or two and try to analyze it, but not to over analyze it. Wow, this is going to be a really long night. lol Good job babe, I think.... =p
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I have no idea how you got lost. Keep trying, I really hope you get it; or else I'll get Mrs. Cooper to send you to the remedial class for the last week and a half! I'll take your applause, thank you. ^_^
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Haha I probably need to be put in the remedial class. I've fallen so behind in that class its unreal. The sad part is, I really don't give a flying poo. I'm going to graduate no matter what happens. I will keep working on it but I really don't think that I am getting anywhere. It's slightly annoying I must admit.
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Keep trying, babe. Think hard..think about what you know of me.
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Is it about you losing your way, forgetting your past, or losing yourself?
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No...message me about you thoughts first.
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