Watch me slave at words I could never say
Monsoon shark god furious
The love of my father, you snaked away.
Wind swept waves bled 'til Sunday
It's a shame I am that curious
Watch me slave at words I could never say.
Fierce night howls paved the way
And the way it was deleterious
The love of my father, you snaked away.
Children raced past our well-lit display
An unintentional metamorphosis
Watch me slave at words I could never say.
A crow-haired woman asked "Was I okay"
Lips crimson and voluptuous
The love of my father, you snaked away.
A god of wind, all teeth at play
Your past is not mysterious
Watch me slave at words I could never say
The love of my father, you snaked away.
In a list
A contest entry
- Deep, Thought-Provoking Inspiration by Chelsea Void.
300 points, ended September 2, 2006, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Villanelles by .
300 points, ended March 22, 2007, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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This is an excellent Villanelle. I really liked the words you chose, and the rhyme scheme. This is brilliantly written. Great picture, also
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</3Desires -
By the way, that's an awesome pic.
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This is not a bad poem, but those question marks need to go. They would get you laughed out of any major competition without anybody even reading the poem.
Otherwise, not bad. -
good write, Keep it up!
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i just read about the villanelle the other day i must say that it looked so hard to do that i didn't even think id attempt it....but reading your poem has actually taught me how this type of poem should be written so thank you, i may never master the poem as you have but at least i think i can try to attempt one now that i have a better understanding of how it should turn out. Beautifully written look forward to reading more from you.
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nice
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Wow, I've never actually tried to write a villanelle, so I have to agree with Scindr that I have a lot of respect for those who are able to write one, especially this piece since it is done so well. This is something new and refreshing to read for me, and I'm really glad you entered such a strong, original piece into this contest, great job and good luck
Meg
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Wonderful villanelle. I have found that I can write terzanelle far better than villanelle, so I have a deep respect for anyone who can write a villanelle. This poem was different than most others that I have read. It seems to hold a very mystical or hidden meaning of some great depth. Maybe it is the images that you created with your intense words.
I really enjoyed this read. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. -
i am very new to writing poetry and so i really not sure what Villanelle is so iam sorry but i liked it ...
thank you and good luck -
Excellent
Excellent Villanelle...I loved the refains...masterfully crafted! -
shakes fist
it's beautiful and i almost hate it because its so perfect and a form i dont think i'd ever be able to master, lol. it's too concise and every word has to count...
And i tend to ramble
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excellent
I am a huge fan of villanelles and have to add you to my favorites so I can read more poems of this quality.
An excellent read with stanzas matching the refrains perfectly.
thanks,
John -
My work speaks for itself,
but often I'm so busy chirping
no one can hear it. -
Hahaha, well, I can't say much for the cockiness involved in the authors box buuut, I can say that this is good work. I've tried to write villanelle myself and I can concur with anyone else who has tried that it isn't easy to write a good one. It's fairly restrictive. Good work, I love villanelle as a format so I'll read more later.
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God this is amazing. The mixture of deep, rich vocabulary and the successful acomplishment in what I find a rather tricky format, lead to an incredible poem that felt like it was litterally exploding off the page at me. You have a lot of talent!
pnikxxx -
Sorry folks as I have gotten twice as many entries in the last ten hours than all of the other 13 days this contest was open...you will get this generic comment unless the piece inspires me to write a comment...thank you for entering my contest.This was very well written
Roger -
Very few times am I looking at a poem when I just stop in my tracks and reread it. This is one of the very best poems I have read. It is wonderful!!!!!
David -
Hie thee into therapy, pronto. Yeah, bloody good poem, I thought, but don't let that put ya off too much.
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I really like this, it is different from the other enteries, and to be honest, this is that first time i have read this type of form. The flow of it was wonderful, i did have to ask about the form before i could comment.
thanks for entering and best of luck to you.
Tammy -
Gorgeous and well written villanelle Tight, polished.
I will say that those who don't know the form may find it questionable. Were I YOU, I'd help the reader by giving the 'form rules' for one. They'd be enlightened, whether they would prefer it or not. That's why we have AllPoetry!
Regarding the content, the only thing I would say is that it may not be as TIGHT To the image as the contest-holder would ask. It has dots of it, however.
** misspells of Villanelle**
Loved and enjoyed. Warmly, CookieZeal
Edited on May 06, 11:10 p.m. because ''. -
I don't care too much for this line 'Monsoon shark god furious' it just, for some reason, and it may be me, but, it just doesn't make too much sense to me.
I like the image of it, it just doesn't read right to me.
I wrote my first one of these yesterday I believe, it is for a challenge by naena I believe. I probably won't write another one. Of course I said the same thing for Sonnet's and I've written I believe 5 of those. But, that is only because I want validation that I can write them and that at least one of them doesn't suck, then when the validation is there on at least one of them more-in-likely I won't write another one. But, one never knows - you know?
Anyways, I'm rambling. I like the piece overall. It sets well in the repetition, tho I am sure it is supposed to, tho not all of these types of poems I've read in the past sit well on repetition, but, it read to me like the repetition in your piece didn't really register to me. And that is always good, makes the story come out more I feel, and one isn't just looking for the repetition.
Anyways, I've dirtied your page enough with my words.
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The flow is awesome and the background goes great great poem.
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excellent
Great Job..I think between your words and background chosen it fit together well..The flow of the poem was awesome as well.I am still learning of this style writing..Thanks for sharing..Good luck in the contest..
~Lori -
Interesting poem, I enjoyed reading it! Thank you for entering, and I wish you the best of luck in the contest! Keep writing!
~Christine~ -
hmm intresting write
good job
an good luck
~Jen~
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