What are these strands of speech
suspended in skull? They fatten ---
I cannot shunt them; soon they will bloat:
big enough to push themselves,
heaving like children, from apertures;
wail through mind-coop in bold defiance.
There will be a gauche dust-hush
that links us in their discharge:
a silent, unacknowledged veneer;
and I see myself, a dumb servant,
contrite in the seat of subject.
A contest entry
- metaphors by james119.
625 points, ended May 1, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
very measured approach to suspend one´s own sightings in the limit of reality,in essence very honest work,i keep diging ,your stuff is good load..
-
dust-hush?
or silent symphony?
Dumb servant?
Methinks maestro!
Anytime my ego gets the better of me, I only need read you. I wish I could read what you write at my age.
Bravo!
-
The process of formulating thoughts... their insistance on being given voice, the expression or giving birth to the concept, N feeling compelled to state it. ( some things just have to be said) WOW I love the way you have 'given voice' to this poem.
-
i used to be only a metaphor.
i have since pared myself down to being a prepositional phrase.
you may call me: "in her heart."
i remember when every poem i wrote was like a breech birth; but now they are orgasms.
it's much nicer
good one, Allyce
oh, and...NEVER be contrite
-
-
Oh, you're so corny!
LOL! Makes me happy Keep writing that, errr, pleasurable poetry!
-
-
Allyce,
Many are the metaphors you have broached and then left us to infer textual meaning. The beauty of your poem is that it has this over-riding metaphor I've just mentioned but with this are nested many other figurative metaphorical inferences I freely make.
Your writing strikes the eye because the images are fresh and unusual in the best sense.
There is a delicious irony in that the strands of speech alluded to and which "wail(ed) through mind-coop" are the very thoughts in this poem and of this poem. Congratulations.
-
-
You are far too good to me
-
-
If you're a servant and you write it like this, then please serve me some more, Allyce. A great metaphorical piece of writing with a delightful sense of distance and "detachment" about it... not everybody is able to achieve that and then "serve" it up like this.
Great work, girl - as always!!
~ Nicolette
-
Neat!
-
I was thinkin the same thing as Suzanne. lol.
There's so much in this that I wish I'd of thought of.
You're such a smart cookie, hon.
-
this is definately worth reading a few times before commenting
-
wow..that's all I can say is wow....you are so good with metaphor!!
oh - and of course... I love this poem
-
This could have fit in Artfullyme's contest 'Be,' as well. I like the detached look at self, even with a bit of humour, dark though it is
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
