Kalidoscope sensations are pulling at my hair
Whilst silver sparks, cascading, surround me everywhere
I swirl in mists of silence, then hear the hidden band
As I dance with the spirits, my loved ones close at hand.
Sweet death has come to claim me, yet I am not afraid
I see my life before me, the choices I have made
You see, it does not matter that I no longer breathe
Such earthly things don't matter, I'm happy now to leave.
All things that were important no longer play the tune
The snow that fell at Christmas the sun that shone in June
The money that I longed for, it has no substance here
For it can buy me nothing so let me make that clear.
At last I have found freedom where I thought life was gone
All cultures fly together and here they become one
Don't cry beside my graveside, I wish that you could hear
The joyous sound of silence that takes away all fear.
Author notes
Option 1
A contest entry
- Life and Death - Options by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended May 27, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I do like your writes generally and thank you so much for giving us this one. They always seem to express sentiments which come from a place of contentment and comfort in your own self, an acceptance and ease which many struggle to find.
I do read descriptions completely relevant to the prompt. The only thing with this piece though, is that I feel more a sense of your drawing on retro-spectice and pre-agreed thoughts, rather than your actual presence of standing in 'new-now', both coming through and 'digging further'. Nothing wrong with this in itself, most of us do likewise, including myself. I think your write is admirable, however I can't help but feel that I'd have liked to have heard more from your 'hunger' expressed, a readiness to stand in 'the newness of ever unfolding revelation here and now', which is what I'd hoped to find in the responses to this contest.
In short I think that you have stayed well within your admirable comfort zone, rather than stretching the boundaries as far as you might have done, after your 'knock out!' first stanza which has all the ingredients.
There is always more to be brought out and I'd love to see you tap into this more immediately in your writing.
Never the less, these are some of the great things I read here:
'Kalidoscope sensations are pulling at my hair' - wonderful description of invitation to discovery of the 'New'.
in widths of expansion and compassion. This first stanza is fantastic and right on the button for me! I feel its direction could have been opened much further with 'aliveness' had you stayed with it, rather than moving straight on into your retro-spective/ familiar ideas.
Acceptance... yes and with such beauty, surely we are entreated to ask for more!
'I'm happy now to leave' - Please don't be too hastey! ...The idea was to 'die' before you die, whilst still being in the world, in order to be fully present - 'in it but not subdued by it.'
A freedom from materialism-
and also from the confines of partiality to acceptance and peace.
Wonderful sentiments... would simply like to have been 'smacked in the face' by the pleasure of them more.
Again thank you for your very well written entry and good luck with the judging.
Sol
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I love the opening stanza Gwenny, i think you've pulled some of the prompts for the contest together and you've shown that you can write in the past tense, albeit that you've used end line rhyme which we didn't really want.... but hey, i can't have it all my own way and i know Sol, doesn't mind it...
i do however think you could have dug a little deeper into the concept of dying before living and letting your clarity of being come to life...
i do applaud the valiant effort though and will say many thanks for entering this contest
G.x
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Note for all partakers: additional indication has been posted on the contest page.
Please feel free to edit your poem, as no comments on judging will take place till the end of the contest.
Many thanks Sol and Chilly.
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Very Good
At last I have found freedom where I thought life was gone
All cultures fly together and here they become one
Don't cry beside my graveside, I wish that you could hear
The joyous sound of silence that takes away all fear
Lovely verse in rhyme
well done
Rick
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Very good imagery
You took me in that silence with you and, now I don't want to go back. I too long for the day my Lord calls me to him. When his reign is supreme and the lion lays down with the lamb. I do think it is close to hand.
Great job here!
I loved it!
~Ron~
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Wow very good and very... is touching the right word. I dont think I know exactly what to call it. And your so right in not wasting time on trivial things that you cant take with you once this life is over. And in particular the last stanza. I loved it and the alst 2 lines are really how I feel as well. great poem
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wow..so touching..great write..good luck in the contest..xxx
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Wow
This is a poem that you can see the death but the sense of relief from dying. No Suffering for this person at all. -
This is really touching! A very poigniant (if that's how it's spelt) write which leaves the reader with a sense of loss...but with the addition of comfort that your words provide.
Thank you for promoting this poem for all to read. I hope many will read and leave their feelings and thoughts also.
Good luck in the contest you have entered.
Dari xxx
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