Some think of the stars as distant and cold.
Many call them unapproachable.
While others call them unchangeable.
Still others call them unknowable.
All are wrong.
The stars are white hot
they feed upon their own flames
changing moment by moment
they give life where without them none would be.
Some think that like the stars
you are cold and distant
I know better.
Within you lies embers
white hot...
only needing a single stroke.
A simple touch of my hand
to ignite those embers into a burning flame.
In a list
A contest entry
- prewrite contest for the group (the creative writing class) and others can join as well by serenity silvermoon.
1200 points, ended August 21, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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where there is breath, there is life;
where there is life, there is hope.
everything is changing and changeable
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Very Interesting
A lovely poem and true,age or distance does n ot put out the flame hidden inside
Love is ever lasting and if stroked will come to a blaze again
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Oh, the final stanza has me won, haha! Good stuff.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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a most excellent write
many believe that when we die, lying between lifetimes past and future we are the stars, watching and waiting for the next dance
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yes, how the ember flares, when conditions are perfect! this is nicely timed and realised.
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Change...
IT is possible in all things. Here, you start with perspective and
move us to the physical. What I found most appealing is the emphasis
used in your wording to make one "feel" the change from cold to hot.
In your formatting, I might suggest one small tweak~
"changing moment by moment
they give life where without them none would be" to
"changing moment by moment
they give life where without them
none would be"
These lines offer a "center" to your poem and I see that the lines
begin longer in length and towards the close, they shorten.
It seemed to help transistion me in the read more smoothly
when I read it separating those three words.
Blue
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Warming up very nicely
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I really enjoyed this. Hot stuff!
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I love that final stanza...that really sums up your whole piece and ends it on such a steamy hot note.
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Lovely words to depict the steaminess of love when the right hand is held.
Within you lie embers
white hot ...
If that does not say it all ... Thank you so much for sharing with The Blue Lamp. I enjoyed this very much. ~Pamela
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I wasn't sure where you were going with this one till the end. I like that, being kept on my toes a little bit. Good job and good luck.
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'Within you lies embers
white hot...
only needing a single stroke
a single touch of my hand
to ignite those embers into a burning flame.'
The lines show your creative energy....your poetic vivacity....
A wonderful write, honey!
Kisses all over!
Galaxy2
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WOW!
That was deep! Great way of comparing a loved one to a star. Superb!
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Wonderful
Very well done. Thank you for sharing.
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your comment on my poem Chameleon
Thanks for the kind words on my poem. I really appreciate you taking the time to do so.
trekkergirl
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A very nice write you have here with good imagery.
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your comment on my poem Chameleon
Hi greystrokes. Thanks for the comment on my poem. I really appreciate it.
trekkergirl -
about Chameleon
I liked this poem too. It was actually printed in a fanzine a while ago and it's always been a favorite of mine. I like the way it sort of builds itself up.
Thanks for the comments. It is much appreciated.
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Great analogy you use here, very relatable and visual. Sleeping embers morphing into infernos, great visual there.
Solid write.
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About Chameleon
Thanks for the nice comments on my poem. It is always nice to hear someone say nice things about something that you have written. I liked this one too. It was actually printed a while ago in an adult fanzine.
Thanks again.
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