Freedom is a dream swelling in the night,
come to men who have labored long,
whose backs are burdened
by the lashes of progress
and whose minds stir
with fervent runnings of their existence
--men in need of visions.
It is the place where every man,
(when finding himself
atop a hoary, jagged cliff
and the sight of sure footing
so many impossible miles below)
discovers, rightly,
that he can fly.
In a list
A contest entry
- RAIDERS OF THE LOST WRITES Encouragement Tournament by Blue Rew.
1050 points, ended May 3, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Strain by Mirthryl.
900 points, ended May 9, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Excellence right here...
"Freedom is a dream swelling in the night,
come to men who have labored long" - you amaze me with your depth of understanding and the provocation that gave rise to this marvelous wonder. Yes, it is exhilarating in its scope and imagery (again). Bravo! And congrats on the shinys this got you.
AsIThink...
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Such a beautiful, inspirational write! All the tools to survive and surmount are inside us, all that's needed is that realization and belief... I just love the ending. Wonderful!
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Freedom. It is a powerful word, but like the word "love" means so many different things to different people. Freedom from slavery, bonds and compulsion; freedom from restraints of one's society and family, freedom from the consequences of one's choices.
The descriptions of "men who have labored long" and "backs are burdened" bring to mind physical slavery. "The lashes of progress" turns the mind to the opposite and intimidating 'lashes of ignorance.' It sounds as if the wielders of "progress" are zealous in imposing their will on those who are powerless to oppose them.
I agree with you, the stirring of unhappy minds with dreams and visions of a better life and world posess the power to ultimately bring about change. A vision as to how this state is to be reached is essential in determining intermediate goals along the way.
Lovely imagery in the second stanza. Dream-like and inspiring. Beautiful "atop a hoary, jagged cliff, and the sight of sure footing so many impossible miles below" and "discovers, rightly, that he can fly."
This write leaves the reader with a hopefulness that he, too, can discover strength, inspiration and courage in his dreams.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and for your entry in my contest! -
First you need the vision and then the hard work. Nice write.
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excellent point! tks
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I love this ending in conjunction to the voice held and emotions labored; a short verse with a solid punch.
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a verse of transformation ... a gift from the soul's kitchen of alchemy ... offered to those who are willing to trade the path of security for the non-path of freedom ... the metaphors used here are as breathtaking as the inspirational message revealed ...
an out-of-the-box approach to blue's prompt "fortune and glory", which diggs much deeper than one would possibly expect ...
a masterpiece !
maa
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Oh my yet another stunning and very thought provoking write from you.
A wonderful message you have penned and so perfect for this contest.
All the best
Gaylene
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very beautiful verses and a powerful message, love the simple effective metaphor, freedom is a dream...reminds me of Langston Hughes and his Dream...so very well done here...PK
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