Long long ago
when I was nothing but a child
I would lie on a hot summer's night
beneath the twinkling stars
and just imagine that I was out there among them.
That I would be meeting strange and exotic beings,
and traveling to places that most men could only dream.
Within these twinkling stars, I also discovered a sirens call.
At first, it was very faint
hardly a whisper
yet so constant
that my straining ears could discern its song.
The resonate beat, harmonic pulses,
and throbbing rhythmic song led me outward to a place
where I would learn to curse that time...
a time when I did look above...
Reflecting back upon starlit dreams I recall...
dreams of a pledge,
of a love,
of a life.
My answer to your question was simple "Young, I feel so young."
That age of innocent love
before it became an ache
before the song ceased to be played.
That age when fairy tales were told
and believed.
When dreams....new,
not cold realities ruled my world.
Illusions
true.
Yet hope also belonged to this tender world.
A world where cruel Death's hand
had not won its' prize.
Author notes
This is actually a re-write I placed here a few days ago. I hope this is a improvement. I like it better now.
In a list
Comments
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I like the way the metre fluctuates, from a line to one word than back up again. It gives a nice flow to the poem. I like it. I grabs something within me...but I think maybe I lack the capacity to fully understand it.
Is it focusing on someone reminiscing about the freedom of childhood?
Young love is not something I can escape, but I try so very hard to not make it an ache. Is it inevitable?
Invokes thought. Well written.
Thanks for commenting on TWENTY HEARTS OF WATER CLEAR -
Nice!
If this was a rewrite, then it was rewritten very well. Lovely imagery, especially in the first half of the poem. Fine work.
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your comment on my poem REVISION OF FATED LOVE
Yes, it is a re-write. And thanks for saying such wonderful words. I appreciate it. You can find the first one under Fated Love. Then you can compare them. I personally, thnk that the second one is the best though #1 isn't bad.
trekkergirl
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