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Smiles and Lies

I hide from the world
Behind smiles and lies
I keep to myself
Never looking back
Never looking forward

The real me
A mystery

Smiles and lies

Conceal my life

A contest entry

What do you think? Constructive critics please.

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Comments


  • Exodus gold member
    May 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I don't think the repetition of this worked so well. Personally I think if it hadn't been used in the title it might have worked a little better but that's just my opinion. I really liked the last line, it stands out and makes you notice it. I would almost say to put in a line break before it and let it stand on it's own. An obvious ending sort of thing.

    Thank you