In sand and youth we wrote our thoughts,
Ideals to which we cleaved so tight,
By the tide now washed away.
The old is dead! The new our right.
Joined! a joyous bonding this,
Of hearts that seek to start anew.
Stand strong then in each others arms,
For this will always see you through.
Hope is the path to tread as one,
In unity, with hands entwined,
Beginning with the love you have,
Sip you now a sweeter wine.
Never again alone to dwell,
But side by side in unity,
Whatever comes your way just say,
'I have you, and you have me'
Author notes
Author: Dreamana
Heres hoping that this poem will encourage Jonny and April. No person had any right to judge someone for past mistakes, and I truly wish them all the best.
May they know peace and blessings as they walk into the future together.
In a list
A contest entry
- April & Jonny Got Married---I Have A New Daughter-In-Law NOW OPEN FOR PREWRITES by Viyanna Rosemarie.
450 points, ended May 5, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Your poem is in a sort of chronological order, and it adds strength beyond all. I love your first stanza, as it opens beautifully. Here are my suggestions. If you don't want them, ignore them
Change punctuation here:
"By the tide now washed away,
The old is dead! the new our right."
to
"By the tide now washed away.
The old is dead! the new our right."
These are seperate thoughts, just as the past and the present are seperate in its right.
And in your second stanza, spice up your words. Don't make this more clique than it has to be. Use a thesaurus on "joyous", "seek", and "strong".
I'll stop now unless you want a more... full critique. Just let me know. I hope I helped some. Take care friend, and keep writing!
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This really sounds like advice that a grandmother might give her granddaughter on her wedding day.
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It was meant to be a little like that. To encourage a young couple with little to go on at the start of marriage.
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Grand Love Poem!
Most certainly deserved the Gold! I don't know what to say this is so beautiful. It touched my heart strings & speaks of the ideals that young lovers have in the expression of their love! Ah...sweet romance. The Title is related in the flow of the poem & I love the way you show the lovers writing in the sand showing the passage of time! Ugh...sitting here to long. I could wax prolific on this. Suffice it to say: Great!
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thank you so very much for this wonderful entry into the contest for jonny and april. i wish you the very best of luck in the judging. viyanna rosemarie
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Lovely poem, perfect image to describe last line...
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This was beautiful [=
So beautifully set out, creating imagery [=
Great write [=
♥
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