Young girl, young girl.
Come. With us, you will survive.
Young girl, oh young girl.
If you stop, you'll arrive.
Come with us to live in the waters deep.
We'll treat you as our own.
You, our precious daughter, we will forever keep.
For you will never be alone.
Along with the aqueous angels of music, you'll sing.
Lured beneath, you'll dive.
For our seductive song in your ears will ring.
This earthly world of you, we will deprive.
Come into the sea and drown,
Come, come. . .
Come on down.
Remember where you're going, but forget where you are from.
Young girl, young girl.
Enter the land of the wet.
Young girl, oh young girl.
Walk into the water and away from the frett.
Come away little one
Under where it's cool, away from the sun.
Author notes
http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t270/receespiecees/YounggirlYounggirl.jpg
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites From April 2008 by amaranthine lover.
525 points, ended June 1, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dalaney Contest 4...Fantasy by Sue Cardwell.
650 points, ended June 28, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest 1st come 1st serve by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended November 14, 405 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry needs a new class of writers... by Why so serious.
550 points, ends December 1, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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good piece!
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i liked this piece.
it was really good! 
i loved it! WOW! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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Thank you for your entry in the contest, an interesting read although your rhyme and flow could be improved, many of the lines are too long and spoil the enjoyment for the reader.
Please join us in future contests...Sue and Jeff
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It's a really great poem! MY favorite line was "Remember where you're going, but forget where you are from."!
Great view on the Siren's song!
Good Luck!
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a beautiful and touching write that is so full of emotion and imagery that I found to touch my heart in such a unique manner. i truly loved the depth in this well done
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I like the line "Remember where you're going, but forget where you are from." a lot. I like it. The lines flow well, and the rhyme isn't forced. Nice write.
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I like this one, quite different.
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Not bad ...
but the rules say no inverted lines. Check seven and eleven. I'd say that few people indeed would know the meaning of frett, although the use of water there might help explain "river bank". Still, I'll bet most people won't get it. Check your punctuation, especially the first stanza. -
nice poem
u write so lovly. im sorry to hear about ur fianse i dont know how uve made it so far. ur 16 years old wow..and u were engaged u have deff. experianced alot threw your life and it comes out in ur poems great poems x
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