Need to hide
But sharp edges
Probe and cut
Tricking my dire
Betraying thoughts
QUICK
Pencil in
The ugly lines
Of my intent
Fill the harbor
Of each paragraph
Lead speaking
Volumes high pitched
Of my half erased
Desires
The once clean skyline
Now looming shapes
Of my streaked
Opinions and beliefs
Crumple up the page
Laying naked
The contents
Of my smudged soul
GET A NEW SHEET OUT
Author notes
Over and over we are marked by our choices, whether good or bad, but no matter what, we can start over.
A contest entry
- anything. by graphite.
518 points, ended May 4, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GO FOR GOLD (PRE-WRITE CONTEST! 10 spots only!!) by xXxIceQueenxXx.
400 points, ended August 10, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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That's really cool!! I love the idea of how "we are marked by our choices, whether good or bad, but no matter what, we can start over". And I love how you capture that in your poem with
"Crumple up the page
Laying naked
The contents
Of my smudged soul
GET A NEW SHEET OUT"
Thank you so much for sharing this in my contest! -
Appreciation!
Thank you Kalamina, for this fine contribution to The Poetic bandit's reading list
~Lilac
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Verse scrawled and "streaked" on a sheet of paper as a metaphor for life - this is great! As a poem just about writing, this has power. Final two quatrains are brilliant. The title is weak. Perhaps just "Tossed", "Smudged" "Clean Sheet" - just some ideas.
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This is really well done. I love the metaphor and the sharp, crisp lines and imagery. Well done fellow Bandit.
- joanne -
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A metaphoric poem using writing as the metaphor for something deeper, eh? Awesome job! I had to read it twice until I saw the metaphor... and had to think about the under meaning of the poem. This is an incredible display of poetry. Thanks for taking the time to share it with us!
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so true for most of us great poem.
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INteresting use of space in the poem - flows well and says lots about being able to start again, learn from mistakes and redo what we did wrong the first time.
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Wow.... great poem -- I even like that you chose this with the contest host's SN being graphite, lol.... I do notice the stupidest little things, lol.
Still, a wonderful poem with a great message. Thank you for sharing.
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This is a great poem
I love the message in your author notes, it gives a whole new outlook to the poem... the one thing that I would suggest though, is some punctuation - or if you prefer not to use it, then maybe breaking this into paragraphs would be a good way to add pause and effect Not that I don't like it the way it is though - wonderfully worded indeed!
Keep writing
Polly
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It is never too late to start over. Each day is fresh with no mistakes in it. Keep writing great poetry.
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Thank Goodness for second chances. Mistakes are made living Life but we must learn form them and move on. I like the imagery you have employed in this poem. Well Done!
Bandits Rock!
Dennis
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Each new sheet of paper is a new opportunity to make something happen. The beauty is we can recycle those wasted sheets into something wonderful, regardless how scribbled on they've been. The imagery of your piece is very nice, but the phrasing is jumbled and detracts from the message's clarity. That's just my thought, though.
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i agree. you could have done more than just imagery. but i think your poem is good. good luck
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