with the grace of the paschal lamb
i,
the taxidermist
a sacrifice to the god of sweet things
i,
and the babes that will not be born of me this month
cored the apples on tuesday, fed them to you on wednesday
and on returning home
bathed with all the windows open, exactly 54 years since Adelir Antonio de Carli spoke these words in his first confession:
"when i was young i was at a friends birthday, there were bouquets of helium balloons attached to fence posts. I thought about them flying away, watching them disappear completely. I think a part of me wanted to go with them, but I knew I was too heavy to leave the ground. I acted on impulse. The cat, it was never found, and I still feel guilt for this. But as long as I live I'll never forget watching that small animal float away, thinking it was so lucky to be up there."
today i sing a hymn for Adelir that is as follows:
april is a pretty girl naked climbing trees
april is a pretty girl who's inner thigh is traced with blood
april is a pretty girl with wine and pill skinned knees
i dance with every april, and every april i become.
A pretty girl, who cut her baby toe on a branch and didn't notice
because she was drunk,
bled onto the leaves until told to clean herself up.
On her way back from washing her wound she passed a father,
playing the harmonica and
making his child laugh while swinging her, she had lost a balloon.
the girl with the bleeding foot
watched it float up through sky
wanting to be a priest from Brazil lost at sea
While de Carli said to himself:
when i am found i will deliver a sermon on Icarus
and for the Eucharist bring red apples.
Author notes
a day that had a thematic structure
is there something off with the flow of this?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
There is some serious metaphor in these words. I can find a few actually, and some are deep while others are almost creepy if you ask me.
I am not sure I like the "I"'s standing alone, and the two of them together kind of throws the flow off a bit. But other than that, this is really good.
Keep expressing through writing.
Storm
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It's an expression of a day I had which was tied together through 3 distinct images: blood, party balloons and apples. I though that it was such a beautiful piece of life that I tried to write it down as I had experienced it.
The poem does have dark edges, for sure. I'm not even a hundred percent sure myself what it means as a whole, but it is what it is. About the the two i's, they sound a lot better when read aloud, but in writing yeah, I also think they're a bit clunky.
anyway, thankyou thankyou thankyou for your comment.
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I have no words. Just... wow. Adding you as a favourite.
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in a word: yes. the line breaks are really awkward. i really lost the heart of the piece with all of these one word lines. any time a word stands on its own, it should be for a very specific, identifiable reason. the imagery, however, was very impressive. you had a great idea and a good deal of finesse in your balance of story and image. the only issue was execution. the whole piece fell flat because it was a pain to read through. id advise looking back over your line breaks and reconsidering all the "i"s.
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i just did some revision...take a look?
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yeah thats what i thought. it was based on a day that was tied together with really strange themes, namely helium balloons, blood and apples and this was my attempt at trying to capture that.
i was and still am vividly aware of the different images, but they just don't seem to gel as well in poetry as they did in real life.
the i's are definitely a problem, it was supposed to be a play on a section of the passover story: "And I will pass through the land of Egypt"---I and not the ministering angel; "and I will smite the first-born in the land of Egypt"---I and not a fiery angel; "and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgements---I and not a messenger; "I, the Eternal---and no other." "With a strong hand""
but it came out sort've narcissistic sounding and a lot less lyrical than what i was going for.
thankyou for your criticism, i've been re reading this poem over and over again and it helps to have someone else give their two cents.
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