Jonah Jakob Israel
Stood for justice in this land
He dispensed his justice
With two six guns in his hand
He was a lover of the whiskey
But it never held his aim
From Tombstone down to Texas
They all knew his name
But it was in Cheyenne county
That they all remember when
He was surrounded in the darkness
Guns a-blazing again and again
They eventually cornered him in Hades
A one horse town on the Najavo trail
That he finally met his maker
From the bullets that fell like hail
The news was on the wire
As it crossed this massive land
They even heard it in California
How Jonah made his final stand
No one was ever bought to justice
Because no one saw what was going down
As Jonah Jakob Israel
Was finally chased and then put to ground
Author notes
a fictional western character from the depths of my twisted imagination
A contest entry
- Poetic Idol (Auditions) by TwilightBloodRuns.
315 points, ended June 8, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JUST TWO DAYS TO REACH 1000 ENTRIES !!!! ( BE A PART OF THIS RECORD BREAKING CONTEST ) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 1, 2008, 526 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I'm so
Comments
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que bueno!
I enjoyed this!
a few suggestions, maybe you want to change 'two six guns' to
"two six shooters"...gives it more an authentic western feel, but thats just my opinion
also, you forgot to add the 'e' in whiskey.
I love that you've created a western 'hero'. You tell a great story, with a tad bit of sadness in the end when he is killed.
I love that you use 'wire' to describe how the news of his death was communicated! The reference to places of the wild west, like Tombstone and 'Cheyenne county' are great addtions, really authenticating your work. I feel like this could be a tall tale, that is told to little kids
wonderful rhyme scheme, and I love the name you use.
thank you for entering and g'luck!
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Ok, it seems good to me.
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well thought out
You have given this some thought.
I like poems like this, with the old west feel.
I'll do a check in case it's too good to be true, but I feel it will be worth it to know if this is bona fide.
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