When my heart got smashed
I thought he'd come to mend it.
Everyone thought we were meant to be.
The lovers recognized it
and the poets wrote about it.
They smashed their thoughts
into both our minds,
leaving us curious of each others intentions.
Ten months later
I'm smashed again.
And so angry and confused with you.
My only crime was loving you
too much.
And your words smash into my heart.
And the broken pieces smash upon the ground.
And the blade smashes my delicacy.
Because I am replaced by dark suns
that could never understand.
You don't see me anymore
because I'm smashed by your love
the lack of it.
A contest entry
- SMASHED - Read all rules by ellipsist.
360 points, ended May 6, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
You like...yes?
Comments
-
Very nice flow and imagery. How everything revolves around being smashed gives it great and powerful emotion. Keep this kind of work up!
-
the repetition of the word "smash" in various forms seems absolutely unnecessary - several different words could have been used... it is used so much and in such obvious places and ways that it truly is a distraction from whatever might be stated throughout the rest of the piece...
-
hey
theres quite a few grammar/spelling errors, just thought you might like to know so you can edit before submitting for contest
anyways good luck
Adding your comment:
