Weightless wandering comes upon
blurry eyes - blinded by a fading light
a quick flash and then twilight
Senses seep slowly, next
scent; vanilla and lilac
tickle novice nostrils
A rebirth of ideals
swirls in the catacombs
of consciousness.
Life's restraints seem
trivial. Self-imposed
edict evaporates with
condensation of
condescending behavior.
The soundtrack of past years
play on repeat, and
insight blazes through
with the heaviest beat.
Taste buds tingle of
hard work. Blood, sweat
and tears mingle with
home cooked meals.
A spoonful of self-awareness;
mandatory medicine of life
after death.
The simplest touch intensifies
with familial ties as
the guide. Even as
an apparition, legacy and
tradition perpetuates in
someone else's eyes.
Author notes
Prompt: 1: Having been released and divested of all constraints, anxieties, self-concerns and issues regarding your mortal life, you now revisit the world in which you personally lived. Describe what you see and feel now, witnessing all from this new found freedom in perspective.
I tried to cycle through each of the five senses, from the new perspective given in the prompt.
To the judges, though I didn't write in the first person, I did write as if i was "in it", with your prompt in mind, these are my thoughts on what would happen to me.
In a list
A contest entry
- Life and Death - Options by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended May 27, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Craze Contest by angela.di.carta.
550 points, ended June 29, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I really liked the imagery you presented in this piece.
This such as "vanilla and lilac", "Blood, sweat and tears mingle with home cooked meals", and "Self-imposed
edict evaporates with condensation of condescending behavior."
Very inspirational and original poem. I really enjoyed reading this
-GL in contest -
VERY good take on the prompt...
Your captivating words flow gently down the screen...Just stunning. Congrats on the Bronze, in any other contest this is a gold, and you know it, lol...the quality I see here is AMAZING. Great job!
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A very nice flow to this, and i like the way you have 'traveled' through this prompt. Congratulations on the well-deserved bronze!
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I liked this as soon as it appeared and it seems that you were very quick to respond from a perspective arrived at by well considered thought.
Very well done. This write stays with a rich relevance to the prompt throughout. It shows degrees of uniqueness, heart, appreciation and also wisdom regarding the perception of your self.
For your amusement, I see:
A release into a state of new perception.
Heightened awareness of sensual reception.
'... novice nostrils' - love it
A new evaluation of priorities, born of moving into
a wider and less subjective view on one's self.
'Self-imposed
edict evaporates with
condensation of
condescending behavior.' - This is great!
Conscious of leaving the 'old patterns' behind
in favour of stepping into the new.
Still rooted and finding deeper meaning
in down to earth events,
reason for gratitude.
'A spoonful of self-awareness' - Yes! ...totally.
Finding true sense of belonging,
beyond habitual associations,
even while recognising this perhaps perpetuated in others.
Very well done and much thanks for your entry.
Good luck with the judging.
Sol
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I like where you went with this, albeit a little cliched in parts, it still works and that shows that even cliched phrases such as blood, sweat and tears can still have a place in modern poetry... the way we perpetuate our lives and thoughts is a way of dying and living
i applaud this piece and say well done
many thanks for entering our contest
G.x
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P.S.
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this is awesome, I get the faint impression that we are two very similar souls. Keep on doin' the damn thing!
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Such a great read you have penned here poet, I cannot choose a favourite line, the whole thing rocks
BRAVO and all the best in the contest
. Rewarded 4
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beautiful jd. makes my deathpoem seem lame now. lo
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How interesting.
This is very interesting indeed. It is written well and it certainly tweaks the imagination. What an amazing concept you have here. This was well worth the click on it to read. Sorry that I ran out of applauses but I do applaud this. I for sure will really think on
this idea. -
a fine expression of the life after death experience, if such exists. Love the sensual way in which you expressed life, sights smells sounds. Beautiful/
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Very well done. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful write
Mylee -
Well done, that shits amazing, great style
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I really like this poem
we journey with you through each stage and step,
and discovery...it really provokes deep deep thought
and considerations.
How you blended it is just amazing...theTaste buds tingle of
hard work. Blood, sweat
and tears mingle with
home cooked meals.
so many lines to chew upon and enjoy!
I really like this poem you wrote!
ears/Seattle
many have entered this contest, and it's a piercing
one!
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I like how scent is displayed...
"Life's restraints seem trivial" This line is wonderful...
Great Poem, I really enjoyed it. -
Note for all partakers: additional indication has been posted on the contest page.
Please feel free to edit your poem, as no comments on judging will take place till the end of the contest.
Many thanks Sol and Chilly.
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This is really amazing. Your style is one of the best I've seen in quite awhile. Really excellant flow and imagery. I loved it.
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Like it.
Don't worry about centralising too much on the 'taste' thing, if you want more flexibility. It was meant as in 'immediate perception' in whatever ways, being 'in' it rather than talking about it from a distance. I'm going to make a note on that on the contest page. Take time if you want to change or add anything. I think you have the idea any way and good luck with the judging. Sol
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hmmm these didn't post the first time.. so..
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An incredible piece of imagery and depth. I was consumed by the thoughts woven within; something I could certainly relate to. Well spoken write to ponder... Much enjoyed!
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Well done.Unlike me you have mastered the art of free verse and it shows.This is an excellent piece that offers great description, Ros
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-Weightless wandering come upon
comes or came?
-swirl in the catacombs
swirls
well done.
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