Dirt is earth
supporting accomplished flip-flops in August.
I've spent my summers constructing the sun and you,
you cower
at the harmless nudge of fire.
I've never missed work, don't stop to drown
when my palms burn soft. I will not ease
your morose litter trail: fast food, excuses,
till miscounts. I maintain an apartment,
tired pores, grey hairs afloat in my bathtub;
crave your relentless youth, irresponsible,
supple and exuberant.
Author notes
Probably not quite how he feels, but told from his point of view.
. . .
I almost feel embarrassed entering this. I really don't think my stuff is up to par with some of the talent competing in this contest. But, gosh, I just had to, because I love you so much, James! Please be kind! ^_^
A contest entry
- see not the flame, know the artist, and understand blood. (invite only) by apples fell.
400 points, ended September 25, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I disagree that you are not in most of the people who are on my favorites league, on the contrary, I think that everyone is strong in their own individual ways and thus, there can be no comparisons made really between two completely different authors. I want to tell you straight up, that I loved that first stanza. The matching up of the imagery to each new idea, was incredible. You should read my poem "levity" if you must know why I love this format and that opening so much...As I kind of did something similar, but with different lines and obviously, different ideas. I can't really find anything to critique here and that totally makes me mad...LOL. As there is usually something, anything...But no. I really think your poem is strong because it uses imagery in moderation and it also is not afraid to match simplicity hand in hand with metaphor.
"I will not ease
your morose litter trail: fast food, excuses,
till miscounts."
- I love that so much and also how the poem ended...That was perfect. I dare say this could be prose, but at the same time, it is above that sort of...Perhaps more along the lines of personal reflection involving another person, which I know isn't really a category...But who cares. I'm thinking this is just excellent and sometimes the shortest writes are to me the most effective, because they prove that an author can really focus and get to what they really have to say.
Wonderful and unique.
I'm so glad you could make it into the contest.
You belong here, certainly. Good luck.
;
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oh goodness, james ... you make me blush ...
thank you for your kind words and yes, i will have to check out "levity". i can't wait to read it! -
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Then blush away. Cause it's well deserved.
Take your time...That wasn't a shameless plug and
my poems aren't going anywhere.
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