The touch of
your lips,
memories now.
but played again
and again
until touched once more-
my world is not
whole without
you there, not
enough arms
to hold me
at night,
and I cry
cause it hurts
and I want you with me always-
but time's game
must be played
and patience is
forced again,
to wait the second,
the minute, the day
the week to months
to long to
think about and
not be sad-
I said forever
and I meant it
just have to
think of your eyes,
soft touch and know
that it will be again-
In a list
A contest entry
- Long Distance Love by Uasal Laoch Aingeal.
500 points, ended May 9, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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A very nice and touching poem. The poem does slighty push the edge of what I was looking for but I will not DQ it for that.
I can understand the need to try keeping a steady rythm with the poem but can I offer a few sudgestions.
Line 6 could go without the periods. Just breaking the line there would add the emphasis to the word that your looking for without the distraction of the unnescisary punchtuation. Line 9 and line 20 need to have a space put between the coma and the beginned og the next word. Thats a typo I make myself many times. If this is intentional the forgive me trying to correct it.
Like I said before though it is a good write and I thank you for entering it into my contest and wish you good luck.
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thanks for the suggestions, yeah the coma thing usually gets me,,I am glad it was ok, good luck to you in judging this one,
cheers!
Grey
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tesoro
Time. There is never enough of it yet it drags on forever. What wonderful memories it can hold ... as your words do.
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time is coming soon....
~hugs and loves~
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OOOOOooooo... beautiful write! I like this one. The reader can feel the longing you express with your words. Great job! Keep the ink flowing and good luck! Love and hugs...
~Donna~
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thanks , I am glad you liked it..
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