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Who knew?

 

 

Who knew?

Happiness had a rule book too.

I know...

Hard to believe, somber but true,

undeniably. 

 

I heard rumors,

it was easy to receive.

Simply give unto others,

as you would yourself,

willingly. 

 

Obviously, they didn't see,

scabs of worry and wounds of anxiety.

For some odd reason,

I thought happiness meant,

pleasing.

 

Isn't she nice?

Oh, she is so..... sweet.

Are you kidding me,

I longed to be a bitch.

 

I yearned to enjoy the freedom,

everyone possessed.

The ability to fearlessly disagree,

even admit, "I think those shoes stink!"

 

An endless treadmill,

wearily running, pleasing, running, pleasing, running, pleasing, running, pleasing.......

Oh lord in heaven, won't somebody make this stop!

And just like that,

it did.

 

Power is boldly found,

upon "enough is enough" already!

I had to learn to stand my ground.

Surrender my need to please,

everyone.

 

Two old friends were shocked,

"I can't believe..you said that."

Three new friends said,

"thankyou for speaking the truth"

relieved.

 

I still believe it is possible,

to give unto others as you would yourself.

For me? That was the key of understanding,

not the treadmills of relentless running,

pleasing.

 

Genuinely loved,

no longer hidden,

in,

shadows of pleasing. 

I found happiness. 

Who knew? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Contest prompt: Happiness.....
Perhaps in society we girls are raised to be pleasers,
but soon or later we have to be allowed to mature,
and develop our own personalities, beliefs, and intimate
boundaries....
i promise you i'm one of the nices bitches
you'll ever meet...the bitch word has no impact on me.

pic...talented artistry of glittergraphics.com

A contest entry

how's the imagery?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • georgie
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    Maybe this piece helped me understand... my daughter Lucy was always happy and always wanting to help other people... i guess it got too much for her. Thank you,
    hugs,
    Georgie,
    xxx


  • uglyfetus
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    I personally thought this poem was really really good. I liked what you had to say in this one and in your authors notes. I have to say i have found another favorite poet of mine. I enjoy reading your stuff very much and im glad people allowed me to join the group gluttons for punishment because i came across such fine poetry.


  • IfTomorrowNeverCame silver member
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, here goes.
    First up, punctuation. You can get away with eliminating some commas and fullstops at the end of your lines, sometimes it gives the right pauses in the flow but sometimes it breaks it up a bit too much.

    In this part: "wearily running, pleasing, running, pleasing, running, pleasing, running, pleasing......." I would include visual techniques like capitalising the words nearing the end, because it's a build up, and to me comes across like it's just gotten too much.

    "I had to learn to stand my ground.
    Surrender my need to please,
    everyone." -- there's a life lesson for you.

    And the use of "shadow of pleasing" is near to the technique that "bittersweet" falls under (for the life of me, I can't remember the technical term!) That line actually makes you stop and reconsider the meaning, so it's excellent in my books!

    The ending stanza is rather perfect, apart from the punctuation issue I mentioned before. The use of a (at least semi) rhetorical question as the ending line is perfect for impact, and I find it riding on the line of sarcasm, but it definitely works.

    The only other thing I could suggest is trying to keep the line lengths a little more even/patterned instead of random, to help with flow and visual effects and possibly include more figurative language to get the mind ticking and assimilating your ideas stronger.

    Otherwise it's tops And to draw it from a broad subject like that of the contest (Happiness) is very well done. I wish you the best of luck in this contest.


  • Jfd
    May 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, for some reason this stanza really spoke to me...
    "Obviously, they didn't see,
    scabs of worry and wounds of anxiety.
    For some odd reason,
    I thought happiness meant,
    pleasing."

    I can totally relate!! loved it


  • HinsleyFord
    May 8

    Edit | Reply

    AHHHAHAHAHA! LOVE THIS!

    I long to be a bitch. LOve that line! Aside from the fact I totally get this, and have been there..and sometimes still am...I just loved this poem in and of itself. The rhythm of it was so cool, the rhyme subtle and well done with no singsongish parts, the "story" was told cleanly and realistically, which I love because so many poems are not "tangible" -- and I love learning about someone from a poem -- not just their thoughts and ruminations - but about how they live life, what they say, what they're doing when they're not off in dream land...and so many people tend to write with their head in the clouds -- which we all need, but selfishly, I like a poem I can see, understand, reach out and touch. Poetry that is easily readble and tells a story, while being unique, artistic AND rhyming? Holy crud, you're my hero! I can't wait to read more.
    Sorry for the rambling, but it's late, I'm tired, and I didn't want to wait to comment until tomorrow

    Thanks for stopping by too! You brought me some sweet dreams and a push to keep writing. Come see me at The Oxygen Chronicles! I'll be back to read more of your work when my eyes are a bit more open and I make better sense.

    Love,
    Hinsley Ford


  • paw-writer silver member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, how I can relate to this! I recently finished a pain rehab program and it was an eye opening experience. They stressed the importance of expressing your wants and needs very clearly, to be assertive. This is something that many of us never learned to do or we have let life beat us down to the point of just saying what we believe others want to hear. I am still working on this. I love this write! Great job!


  • isabelwk
    May 2

    Edit | Reply

    Great imagery!

    Loved stanza 4 the best. How it cries out! And the pleasing, running . . . I was getting dizzy. lol.


  • Rhyming From Rehab gold member
    May 1

    Edit | Reply
    lol thank you sissy I needed this it is true...we girls are often raised with a certain set of standards...and being an occasional B sometimes is nice lol best to you in the contest~blessings always~ Trisha

  • celadia
    April 30
    Edit | Reply
    Love these long, wonderful pieces breathtaking word use.

  • gypsycrone
    April 29
    Edit | Reply
    Nice work, good subject...finding one's voice.

  • Funluvingrl16
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    you really paint a wonderfull picture. i love your work. you can relate to this perfectly. amazing, realy just plain amazing. you would make a loyal friend, giving advice and stuff like that

    . Rewarded 4


  • whits end silver member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, my gosh, the imagery is excellent. I've felt this way so many times and this poem helped me. Thank you, I loved it!!!!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Warrior-Eagle
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.
    This is amazing,
    you are amazing
    And this was well done,
    I hope you do good
    and i should also take this advice.

    ...Simply Me♥

  • catie052 gold member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    wow I really need to take this advice! Ive been putting everyone before me and trying to make sure everyone is happy. I just don't think about me that much. great read!

  • Viyanna Rosemarie
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    this is very beautiful. i love the picture you have posted as well. thank you for sharing this with me and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie

    . Rewarded 4

  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    great take on te prompt, something different. nicely done best of luck...[oi hard 2 type laying down lol]

    tasha

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