How dare you make me feel alive
How could you make me feel like
The luckiest girl in the world
Why must you be so perfect,
So rhythmic,
To where such desire builds up
I feel like my heart is bursting
Bursting,
And yet,
For once in my life, not b r e a k i n g
I feel the electricity of your fingertips,
The shocking intensity of my spine
Every time we come in contact
Hug you
Love you
Need you.
How dare she comes near.
The girl you thought you loved,
Emphasis on “thought”,
How could she draw you away,
Away from me.
I want to be needed
I need to be wanted
I’m fueled by you
Your smile, your touch
Your every waking moment of breathing existence,
Yet HER,
The one who doesn’t care as I do,
Who doesn’t love as I do,
Wants you back,
Through greed,
Through spite,
Through hate and detest,
Attempts to lure,
To attract,
To steal away my almost-possession
She teases me
She taunts my pain with every flirt
Every grin,
Every giggle,
Every sentence.
How long must I stand this?
How long do I,
Must I,
Can I live through what seems like
Heaven’s cruel,
Eternal joke?
How long?
And you!
The audacity of such
A perfect creature!
To taunt away
With those enchanting eyes of yours
To make it seem like a chore not to love you
How dare you be flawless.
How dare you share,
Enjoy,
And live a happy life.
How dare you make everything else in my meager existence
Seem mediocre
Compared to the faultless being that you are
Why must you torture me?
Why put me through it?
3 words!
That’s all I need!
Just 3 little words
In everybody’s vocabulary
That I want to hear from you,
That I need to hear,
Need to feel,
Need to savor.
I can’t stay like this
Not now, not ever again
I can’t stay
A pal,
A buddy,
A friend.
There’s so much more to this
More than you or even I understand
The stars,
They’re aligning
Aligning for us, and us alone
I want to fly on a star with you
To spill through the milky way
Just me and you
On a star,
Burning and surging through the sky
Just as my heart is through my chest
Just us,
The planets,
And the stars…
Forever.♥
Author notes
I'm going crazy over him.
CRAZY!
I don't want to like him...
But I do...
So very, very much.
A contest entry
- the hardest thing is watching him i say i love you to her by HereComesTheSun.
900 points, ended June 2, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So...how did I do?
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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i know these feeling this poem was just a great read i wished it never to end great job
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Thank you so much!
And I think this is one of my favorite that I've written
And sometimes I'll be reading it and I don't want it to end
but then I want the awful feeling that I felt to end
So either way, I lose =/
But thank you for commenting
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I know how you feel...
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The weird thing is, I totally believe you.
While it happens, you'd think nobody feels the same way!
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I LOVE IT!!!!
wow... this is such an amazing piece!
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Thank you for commenting, I really appreciate it, and it inspires me to write more
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u did well!!!
wow this is amazing! there is so mjuch emotion in this! I know how that feels... it's a beautiful poem!!!!! -
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Aww!
Thank you!
I've noticed that when I'm not trying to rhyme everything, it flows more freely and it totally comes from the heart.
Thanks again for your support!
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wow...i cant even begin to express, the feelings, the emotions, this peice brought out. im so sorry youre going through this, and i can totally relate! i have felt the same for a guy for so long, but i ve almost given up all hope of ever being with him! i hope everything gets better for you!!
roby -
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Thank you!
I've kind of given up hope too.
It's obvious he still likes her.
Despite the fact that she has a boyfriend that she's crazy about,
She SEEMS to like him.
I hope things work themselves out amongst you two.
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I like this because of the "how dare you" parts of it, it makes it stand out. I like the way it delves into so many emotions and I have felt them before as I am sure many many people in love have..but out of care, and experience I warn you from thinking he is perfect, there is no such thing and in thinking he is you are setting yourself up for a harsh crash back to reality.
With that being said, I applaud you for sharing these feelings with us and I hope that conniving girl moves out of the way. Good luck!!!!! and best wishes!!!
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That's so true, and I agree, he isn't perfect.
I know, this is a male quote, but it goes like this, "You do not love her because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her."
I love that quote, and it describes how I feel about this guy.
He's sweet and funny and can be extremely nice at times.
He's far from perfect though, and of that I'm certain.
That's what happens when you're friends a while before you start to like him.
You know his flaws and imperfections, that way once you start liking him, you'll remember the time he did so-and-so and you'll realize he's far from perfect.
Thank you so so so much for the comment, I appreciate it, and I hope things turn out for the best.
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OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!! I have been going through this SAME issue for the past 4 years of my life! lol my only problem is that its only been a one sided feeling...I think...there have been a few instances...ANYWAYS! The way you have expressed the confusing feelings is fantastic, and the poem really moves along. GREAT WRITE!
and I hope that your stars do align
Sincerly,
Toddy
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Aww!
Thank you!
I'm sad to hear that you're going through what I'm going through, but I'm glad I'm not alone!
I would never wish this feeling on ANYBODY.
Well, the feeling that I get when I'm AROUND him, yes, I'd totally wish that on everybody because it's absolutely amazing.
But the feeling that I get when she's around him, and seems like she's trying to work her voodoo on him...well...
I'd wish it on nobody.
Thank you so much for commenting!
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a work of art
i can tell you pput youur hurt and soull intoo every word!!! -
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Thank you!
It's so true that the best poems are written when we're hurt, or sad, or damaged, and this is definitely one of my better pieces.
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WOW
I now i say WOW to alot of poems, but this compltely blew me away. I can relate to this sooo much b/c my current bf as an ex and she is doing almost anything to get him back. I hope for the best for u and really AMAZING job with this poem. Keep it up.
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Aww!
Thank you!
That made me smile!
Wow, all of these comments are making me realize I'm not the only one who goes through it!
I can't stand when somebody who someone else USED to go out with decides they want them back even though they have a BOYFRIEND and especially if she's your supposed BEST FRIEND and she knows you LIKE HIM and ughh I'm a wee bit mad at her, but I haven't told her yet.
Trust me, I know how you feel, all the way.
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Damn!
Dang this is really good...too good!
"She teases me
She taunts my pain with every flirt"
....ohh I sooo relate to part of the poem, "she taunts my pain with every flirt" soo little words and such a small sentence but yet A LOT meaning behind it all. Yeah I know the feeling of longing to get over some you once thought was your everything at the moment. but once they screw up, it just makes it harder to forget them yet still remember all those times you shared. Yup very devistating not to mention it SUCKS!!...
Well keep up the good writing and I wish you luck with this...
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Thank you!
And somehow, I don't WANT to feel so jealous because I could be exaggerating because I like him but then again I don't think I am because people have said that she flirts with him too much, not just me.
And you know why it really hurts?
She's my best friend.
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beautifully penned with a sad feel in it
Such a beautiful write...I enjoyed feasting my eyes on this piece of art...I know how hard it is; I mean what you're goin' through 'cause I've been there too at some point in my life. I loved her so much, but couldn't be with her 'cause she was with another guy. She confessed her untainted love for me, but still, we couldn't be together, 'cause she was already in a relationship. Thanks for sharing this piece. Shalom
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Thank you so much!
Sometimes, it feels as if I'm the only one who's ever gone through this, and it's nice to know I'm not going crazy, (Or if I AM crazy, I'm not the only one
)
Again, thank you for reading! I'm sorry things didn't work out, but you'll find somebody, I'm sure of it!
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This poem was great, and you're right, not cheesy either. I love the structure and how you convey the frustration with all the how dare yous, while at the same time making it seem worth it. It sucks when people's exes try to tempt them. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, his ex-girlfriend of 2 yrs started calling him fairly often--not about love, but stupid things like how to open a bank account. (I told him it was a devious, girly plot to remind him in a subtle way.) He was always pretty short with her, but it was frustrating because even though there was no way he'd ever want her back, it was still causing him to hold back emotionally. Eventually he came to his senses and broke all contact completely. It was good and we were much closer from that pt on, now talking of engagement within the year. Anyway, I could definitely relate to your feelings here, especially at the beginning when you talk about his effects on you, your feelings of unfairness--the whole notion of 'how dare she?' (don't you just want to be like, hey now, you had your chance, leave us alone?)
This poem was awesome, it flowed really great. The only thing I would advise you is that the middle part seemed reallly long. when you talk about "HER!" its awesome, but then when you get into the repetitions of MORE how dare you's relating to him, it gets repetitive (you said that in the beginning) and a bit melodramatic. do I, can I, must I.... one or two would suffice. That's my only criticism. The rest of it is fantastic! great work, and keep it up!
--Shannon
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Thank you so much!
I guess this is what happens when I don't have a journal!
Right now, I don't have a journal because I filled my last one up already, so I just wrote what I felt exactly, and it wound up being a poem by complete incident.
I'm so happy for you! Although I'm not quite ready for ENGAGEMENT with the guy I like, a first date would be nice when we're older
And I do realize it is VERY repetitive, and I will remember not to be repetitive to the point where it's overly-dramatic. I'm so happy you liked it, thank you for reading!
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wow this is beautiful! a wonderful poem
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:)
Thank you! I thin kit's one of my best since it's from actual experience, those seem to be better pieces
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OMG
JESS
THIS
ONE
OF
THE
BEST
POEMS
I
HAVE
EVER
READ!
I love all of the emotion you have put into tis piece. I know how it feels to be abandoned and i know how it feels. My emotions merged with yours as soon as I finished your first stanza.
I love how you worked everything together, from the title, to the last line. It really worked for me. All that repitition, striking someone like a bullet, for the truth and pain you are suffering. I seriously would maul this girl. For everything she has done to affect your love with him, you know what they call those kinds of people jess?
TEASES
shell be gone, and then, hell come wallowing back. The thing is, you need to get him back before she is gone. im a living advice column. GOOD JOB!
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The thing is
She one of my best friends, but then again, she's just taunting me. I told her I like him, and she's giving him rediculously easy hints and I told her not to and I'm just so mad and she's had 6 boyfriends just THIS SCHOOL YEAR So now she has another one yet she flirts with the guys I like a lot and I'm just so mad at both of them but not so much the guy I like since he doesn't know but one of my BEST FRIENDS flirting with him even though she knows. I just... I don't know. SHOULD I be mad at her? I mean I'm not that mad at her actually, not really, I just want her to stop flirting because everybody knows she's amazingly gorgeous and I'm utterly jealous of her and I hate feeling like that. I just... I wanna tell her, but I can't show her that I'm weak...I just can't.
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Awwwww that was so sweet.So beautiful. girl you are definitely in love. danggggg! you got it bad. this poem is freakin awesome and i love it so much keep up the good work~
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I know, I know!
Everybody is telling me that! "Girl, you got it BAD!" And I'll like zone off in just random places and it's just ughh he won't get off of my mind I'm always thinking about him and AHH! I'm so glad that you like it and my friends say I'm in denial because I'm all, "Nahh, It's not love, I'm not old enough!" But I GUESS I could be but I don't know. It's like, I don't want to be in love because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Thank you so much for your comment
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Complicated but Well Written
good grief girl you are so wound up like a coiled rattle snake about tos trike its unsuspecting prey. 1st off you need to cool off & calm down because okay we get the whole point ya like him laot and well you wanna kill to have him figuritively spekaing but sometimes you just got to ease back on the throttle & let him come to you. its as if you are luring in a fish your bait is floating leisurely and then snap you got the fish on the hook its like that with him but you need to reel him in slowly take small steps till you get how he feels and if he wantsto be with you ect. then and only then do you reel him in and show off your prize possesion sorta say via smiling the beautiful smile you have. any ways well penned poem enjoyed reading it,. good methaphorical substance through out the poem really grabbed my attention. keep up the nice work & good luck with what happens.
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Thankiess
Thank you for that advice, I'll keep that in mind! Kind of like hard-to-get instead of me chasing him! That's a great idea I'll remember that. I do! I do want to kill him (figuratively) because ughh he's just so and then again he's so and there really are no adjectives to describe this ERGHHH And he's driving me crazy! I'm just... I don't know! It's complicated, just like you said!
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you did great, very nicely portrayed emotions. I enjoyed it. And dont stop from liking/loving someone..you only hurt yourself in the end.
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Thank you
I don't want to hurt myself and the girl that he used to "Love" is one of my bestfriends and I don't want to be mad at her because she's my friend and I just I don't want HIM to separate us, and I doubt that'll happen.
But sometimes, she'll have this look on her face, and they just...I don't know.
She has a boyfriend that she's crazy about, so I don't know why I'm so jealous...I just... I don't know!
The guy I like is just driving me crazy
Thank you again for the Comment
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