Screaming areola;
under burning ember
of His cigarette
moistens lips.
Author notes
Written for The Erotic Challenge- 10 words of torture
check it out:
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/The+Erotic+Challenge
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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The imagery that this produces here is powerful. Wonderfully-written too. Beautiful dark torture of the nipple [hehehe]. Such a very very powerful piece this is.
Keep writing my dear.
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
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Ouch. I do like the focus on nipple torture in this piece a lot. This is such a minor thing, I think maybe 'ember' should have been pluralised not that it changes the essence in anyway, I just feel that would increase the word artistry.
Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 20
Presentation/Creativity: 20
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Grab Me Effect: 19.5
Overall: 19.5
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Total: 99 -
WOW!!!!
That is like totally extreamly over-poweringly amazing!!!! and very captivating...I wanted to like crawl in my computer and come out on your end, and have you make this poem real. Very nice, my friend.
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Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 19
There was no punctuation at all in this one which was a pity - it made me read it without taking a breath.
Presentation/creativity = 20
How well you handled the challenge = 20
'Grab me' effect = 20
Overall = 19.5
TOTAL = 98.5/100
This was AMAZING!!!!! If only you had used something in there to insist I take a breath while reading it would've gotten top marks in my book!
Your descriptive imagery and words had me sitting back saying "WHOA!"
well done! -
Hmmm. This sure created a of spelling debate and some great arrangements of ideas regarding inuendo. You've got the ability to write and expose there is no doubt about that. I hope you do or did well in what you were trying to acheive. I found the speculation fairly absurd for what the intent was swirling around the art. RC
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Yup, your score from me is 99 now. The first category is perfect according to me. Total: 99.
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Yay! Thanks so much. That means a lot coming from you. I think you are one of the tougher judges, no offense! I can feel really good about this score is all. Much appreciation!~Leah
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Sorry hun, there seems to be a bug in my spelling today. You get an apology from me.
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I accept, but couldn't my score use some adjusting because of this?? I am sorry I just want to do the best I can on this challenge and I have already made some pretty careless mistakes. Thank you Tanzanite! Leah
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oh wow. this is powerful. short an packs a punch, very haunting imagery! nice work girl
creatress
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Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 19
"areola" is spelled incorrectly.
Creativity/ Presentation: 20
Loved this - this was out of the box - although it was completely sadistic. Love the double entendre though.
How well you handled the challenge: 20
You did exactly what we asked for.
Grab me effect: 20
Overall: 19
Total: 98
Exceptional entry. I loved it. -
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http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/areola
This is wrong????
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Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 19
I feel a semi-colon after the word, "areola" would of enhanced this a bit.
Presentation/creativity = 20
Very vivid imagery here.
How well you handled the challenge = 20
You have painted a very torturous and painful picture here.
'Grab me' effect = 20
Well done.
Overall = 19
______________________________
Total = 98
**Master Ktulu**
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