Those pen ink lines upon my
skin, are not a form of threat.
They're the mark left from
that old cliche, broken heart.
My eyes were blocked with
uncried tears, so with my vision blurred
I tried for comfort in a glass,
and when it shattered, a million pieces
the pattern appeared like my reflection.
I drew this shape to remind me
how tragic that night could've been.
A contest entry
- Shatter by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended April 30, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Will you remember me? by SomethingPoetic.
704 points, ended June 12, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this was amazing. I am glad that night didnt end badly stay strong and dont let people who dont understand your work bring you down.
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thank you for entering...a couple of things, though
I do not agree with promoting this type of activity for our younger readers to read.... it is not a promotion that I feel poetry entered in any of my contests should go to. Yes, we suffer, but I do not want to be part of promoting unhealthy ways of dealing with life just because it seems to be the in thing. Please do not enter such in my contests. I do appreciate hard things as lessons but not this type of unhealthy response to it. -
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I feel as though you have gravely missed the intention of this poem. However it is people like you who cause the younger generation to cut, and to use drugs. I am sorry that you do not understand where this author is coming from. However i do. I am angry that someone who is so ignorant to the facts who dare comment on a piece and go off stating how it is wrong. My friend it is you who is wrong. Do not sit there and put someone down. Again if people like you would open your eyes and be more accepting, and prehaps be not so judgemental then maybe our kids would feel more comfortable these days!
good day to you ! -
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Matt, you have no idea what I have spent my whole career doing.... I am afraid you have me very wrong as well. I have saved more kids from themselves than you can ever know. I am way not ignorant to the facts, my dear. I am so alert to it that I have staked my lfie to protect kids my whole life. If you kenw me..you would not judge so quickly why I would so quickly be afraid of any writing that even speaks of such. Have you sat with a child who was persuaded to OD on something that kids use that adults think is good motion sickness medicine because it made them feel like they coudl fly? Have you had to speak at a funeral of a beloved young girl who coudl not fit in with her peers so choose not to fit in anywhere? One wears my most spiritual gift given for my work with troubled youth... At no point did I say it was wrong...this poem..I simply asked that the IT not be promoted in my contests. The "this" unhealthy respnse refers not to the poem but the inference within the poem. I would, and have, say that of any poem entered in any of my contests. Poepl, dear one, liek me....are not the reason why kids cut and use drugs...I have been far from that. Perhaps you would like to meet some of them. I, in no way put her down. I simply stated that I do not appreciate this kidn of poetry in my contests. I know the consequences. And, before youjudge so quickly, perhaps you and I could have a talk about HARD lives and the kinds of kids that made me see God everyday in their faces because someone loved and cared for them..and might have been the only one they knew on this earth that did. I am sorry you are angry. You misunderstand as well, methinks.
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It sounds like you really know the subject well, and I admire you for the work that you do. I am slightly less directly involved, but I also work with people who have serious problems in their lives mentally, physically and emotionally. I have seen the effects a suicide, not of a child but a fully grown man and father of 2 had on his entire family.
I still feel there is a message in the poem that you haven't found. It doesn't encourage depression, it doesn't encourage hurting yourself and it certainly doesn't encourage any rash action to solve the problems.
As you are well aware the harsh reality in life is that people do get depressed and feel there is no way out. If just one person read this poem and felt hope from its words then that would be a worthwhile thing to write, regardless of other peoples perspective.
I don't feel there is anything wrong in remembering the darker times in life and using them to build a brighter foundation for the future. In fact I believe it is not "unhealthy" to do so but wise. And perhaps another person can learn from it and not get so far down that this feels like their only way.
As an expert in the area surely you don't believe we should hide the topic of depression and not discuss it? Adding that kind of embarrassment and even stigma to a psychological disease is hardly healthy.
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Well I'm sorry you felt that way, but I do feel you may have missed the intention of the poem. It's about remembering bad things that happen in life and learning from them, hence the last line mentioning how tragic that night "could have been", i.e people do extreme things when they feel broken. Hence a reminder, physical like a tattoo (just an example of "pen lines") or figurative like a memory, can be a reminder of the past and a way to move on and deal with it. I wasn't suggesting any 'cutting' or rash responses were the solution to the issue. I'm sorry you felt differently about the poem.
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I understand, but still....
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re reading your comment, and the poem. I feel justified. The author talks about how they didnt hurt themselves, how they could have but they chose not too. this is positive, how wouldnt you want people to read this. This isnt i am going to kill myself poem. It is a poem of hope, it is a poem of peace, and of not commiting that act. Its a celebration of their life, not of wanting to end it. Please re read it
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