swift smile
sparks slow warming
unleash the rays
of dawn...
the glow, rose
kisses morning, winks
and then is gone
Author notes
First posted as a comment to Moqui Takoda's poem
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4176747
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i really liked te wink at the end.. it makes me smile.. wonderful alliteration inthe first stanza and bringing the poem to life.
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I'm delighted you read this one... I'm smiling now, too, remembering the impulses that wink and sparkle!
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This is a good poem ...
certainly, and I see your cheering section certainly thinks so. My question, though, is about line two. Are you meaning "warning" or "warming"? I am a bit obtuse lately, since I'm not feeling well just now, but I can't quite see what "warning" would have to do with dawn and roses.
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I think "warming" would be better. I thought about that earlier and I am going to change now. Kismet is about fate, though, and that is why the word "warning" came into my lines.
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Well, as I said, I'm really not ...
feeling all that well, but I was just wondering.
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very beautiful, I had to visit Moqui's poem as well, thanks for the link. This is a very nice image, brought to mind a sunrise over the mountains, reflecting in the sky and the mountain lake below. Wonderful imagery.
Rory
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PINK!
This has happened to me! It catches one quite unexpectedly and gives them a glow for hours! Best Wishes to you and your brother!
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I have seen a dawn like this, a blush, a kiss, a wink, and it's gone behind the clouds. "Red sky at morning" is the proverb. This imagery and personification are succinct as well as lovely, an excellent poem!
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I like the alliteration in the first line. I had to go read the other poem:
She, a slow blur,
touched my lips
in passing ...
and though I love you
more than that,
her fingertip captured
my eternal blush.
Both are wonderful.
Cheryl
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Simply beautiful.... dawn, my favourite time of day, Karen.... oh yes, those morning songs!! I liked how this one made my mind travel and all the nuances you've weaved into this. Nice subtle touch of sensuality here too!!
"Kismet"... made me think of kisses and in Afrikaans "met" means 'with'...kiss me with this!!!
~ Nicolette
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Oh sure, what a way to get out of doing real work, post your comments!
I had a cat named Kismet once, well, he was sort of mine, a crazy headstrong thing, I miss the fella.
Sorry, things pop in my head and they say it's bad to keep them in, you might explode.
Such transience, but apparently it left its mark if it is being recorded her for posterity...that is the way it is with some things, they leave an indelible image despite their ephemeral nature...like a telling glance, or an unkind word, but of course the poem's title suggests something more akin to the former than the latter.
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Wonderful images in such a brief poem. You are so good bringing nature into our minds in a very lovely way.
Adorable poem
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This is such a warm and tender piece...
SOft like a morning sunrise...
Lynda
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great
Nice piece. U played well with words. Keep this up. -
thank you for the author note ... you have a little masterpiece of bright and colorful action at the final stanza set up perfectly by the previous sensuous lines ... in addition, and ... what makes this poem sing out so purely is this:
you have interior rhyme at 'warning' and 'morning', you have interior rhyme at 'glow,rose' , you have a fine end rhyme at 'dawn' and 'gone' .... that is six of twenty words singing like happy larks ....
WONDERFUL!!!!!! just exquisite .... and the title
Moqui likes tremendously much
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A excellent response to Moqui's original, Karen--beautiful.
Bill
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Gorgeous!
Concise and perfect. An original angle on a rose, age-old favorite subject for poets that it is, is very difficult to pull off, but you did. Such a happy springtime image. Thanks.
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This is sweet. I love short poems, where the words are carefully chosen. You've captured it here!
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