Written on a piece of paper were the words I Tried!
She hung from the rope swaying from side to side.
Blood trickled from the gash on her wrists.
Self mutilation they all whispered.
It's her own damn fault someone shouts.
No one read the words underneath I Tried.
Scribbled in black ink,
Forming her suicide note.
I Tried!
(I Tried) to be a good daughter.
(I Tried) to be a loyal friend.
(I Tried) to be something I am not.
(I Tried) to tell the truth of who I was.
(I Tried) and Tried to hold my head up from the blows that no one saw.
I try now and everyone sees.
Why couldn't they see before.
That I was me!
The letter remained unread.
People went about their days.
I stood there and watched her body sway.
"I am that girl!" I shout but no one hears.
Slowly I began to disappear saying "I Tried!"
A contest entry
- Your Best Prewrite by Not-The-Sun.
850 points, ended August 8, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best by condor.
2600 points, ended August 20, 192 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I like this, but then I too live in the margins, on the edges. The last line reminds me of some of the finer moments of Peter Carey's short stories.
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that was really good
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Interesting twist. Bravo! Not for your pain mind you but for this poem
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Intense
This poem has good structure, I like the way the emotion changes towards the end.
(I Tried) to be something I am not.
(I Tried) to tell the truth of who I was.
(I Tried) and Tried to hold my head up from the blows that no one saw.
I try now and everyone sees.
Why couldn't they see before.
That I was me!
This section is the one i like most (but i like it all) this is really intense and well written and just flowing with emotion throughout, v v v v v well done.
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yikes! Like the twist at the end. Ironic that the ones who "love" us most hurt us more and remain so blind . A powerful pen with a sharp bite. Extreme visual.
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Wow this is so true. So many people judge without knowing what they are doing when they wrongly accuse. They continue to pound away at our will with their OPINIONS until finally we lose the will to even continue. When at last they find you they will say "I wonder why they did it? Life was good for them" to eager to once again try and find a reason to judge instead of realizing it was they who cause you to end it and put yourself out of the reach of their painful blows
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Powerful piece...
Strong flowing narrative with wonderful imagery & a dark, mournful undertone & great twist to finish...
Impressive work...
Keep it up...
Well done!!!
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wow great write!
The beginning reminded me of a poem from the novel "The Perks of Being a Walflower" (on my author page, actually). i almost considered that the suicide note/letter isn't really there, maybe it's something that the narrator thinks, simply because they feel the same way. it breaks down to an interesting perspective. And this isn't a typical "pain" and "abuse" write-- I completely understand how frustrating it can be when you feel like no one else notices and cares about how hard you try or who you are on the inside, that's why I think this piece is very special and I hold the message dearly to my heart 
Thank you for entering and best of luck!
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U told it from such different points of view, it makes the story more complete. even though its sweet and sad, it makes it all the more beautiful.
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I like the way you tell the story from the victoms eyes awesome writing thanks for the read and keep on writing
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Oh, so fantastic. What a piece of writing. It hurts to read it, so sweet and sad. How often does this sort of thing have to happen with people mistreated by this cruel world.
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wow
this poem is amazing. wow. wow. wow thats all i can say
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Just a quick comment to say thanks for entering this into my contest, sorry you didnt win but obviously there can only be three trophies given, which is a shame cause in this contest there deserved to be alot more winners! xxx
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thank you for entering and good luck
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this is awsome very touchin i luv it sad .. miss ya baby luv this poem it was awsome...
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Dam you
This was wonderful. You know I do have a image to keep, and all this crying is not helping. You know how much I love the dark, but dark and sad. awwww why.....no jk this was ...well no words....lost for words. A pleasure to read, thank you
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Thanks. Well I am sorry that it made you cry but it is very moving to have people think that there are things that happen like this eveyday.
I am glad you love this one as well as for everyone else.
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Wow, that is extremely dark and gloomy but something about it was absolutely electrifying. I love the repetition of (I Tried) that added more depth to the poem itself. I love your last two lines as well. 'I am that girl!' I shout but no one hears/Slowly I begin to disappear saying 'I Tried!' I think that was one hell of a twist! I really don't know what else to say. I knew you had a heck of a talent but, this exceeds what even I thought. Wonderful, amazing job love.
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Thanks so much for the lovely comment as always. I am really glad you like this one. I hope to write more that are like this that get peoples attention!
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You know I'm going to at least attempt to leave a comment on all of your work. I think you have a wonderful talent. I wish you the very best of luck.
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It's really good...very sad...kinda like a horrible nightmare...but very good!
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Thanks for the comment!
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