Sitting here unbearably lonesome
My cold heart boxed away in ice
Not wanting to get close to anyone
Dreading pain of bonds possibly broken
Life is a cruel place, when so fragile
Chilling breezes comforting my heart
I have cut it off from others and myself
Never to be put at risk at being found
By someone worth giving it to
Forever freezing, scared of hurt
Love will only be a thought and nothing more
As I sit in this world I made for myself
An eternal winter land of numbness
Maybe one day I will overcome this fear
Then maybe someone will find me and give me their loves warmth
In a list
A contest entry
- It's another SEMI-QUICKIE! (Pic Prompt) by Angelflower.
600 points, ended April 29, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write MadNess by Mango Memories.
400 points, ended July 26, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest for the group (people who love contests) by serenity silvermoon.
709 points, ended August 2, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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ohh this is nice!
I liked, very emotionl... like you put in alot of effort into letting these emotions show!
Well done on a great write!
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Awesome dear... lovely. how our how fears slowly get to us ..and we are unable to do any thing about it.
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I liked this. I really enjoyed where you took the image. My favourite part of the poem was the line
"An eternal winter land of numbnes"
it was a thought provoking metaphor and in my opinion was the strongest image in the poem.
The only place I stumbled was over lines 7 and 8, maybe you could reword them to ease the fluency.
Also, in comparison to the rest of the poem I'm sure you can come up with a stronger ending for the reader to take away with them.
Overall, a very good write.
Thanks for sharing.
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I think that you could change line 7. Don't talk of your heart being cut off, but extend the metaphor of it boxed in ice. That way, the poem ties together more closely. The same with line 4. Reword it so that it relates to the overall iciness of the poem. Overall, a solid piece of work
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Great Poem
This is a really really great poem. it shows the fear of not waiting to get hurt by loving someone. I like the picture above the poem too it shows the little heart in a solid box so it can't be broken. Great work kee it up!
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Heh Verdict
Yay you want clappies
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WOWW WWW! this is pretty cool!!!!!!!!!
hey in my opinion, speaking for myself, of course. i think we cut our own selves out. you know? i think we do it to ourselves... i really do. hell! you DO have 'people' out there! i'm here right now! see what i mean? but that lonesome feeling, well, we all have that. your gonna' have to figure that out for yourself. love gysyfish
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this seems really cold.
but also...theres a sliver of hope that seems interwind with the words.
beautiful! -
wow
i really like it... a lot... wow.... -
Awwwwwwww
Oh my.... another poem close to home...It's like that's me in that poem... Every time I've opened my heart... Someone gone and tore it shreds along with my trust...
Great job...
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wow!
you took my heart at some lines;
Life is a cruel place, when so fragile
Chilling breezes comforting my heart
and this is where you finally cut it in;
Love will only be a thought and nothing more
As I sit in this world I made for myself
An eternal winter land of numbness
there.... you took me completely hun... great write.. you are definately a wonderful poet!
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I see why Jet liked this...all through the read I could see the picture and feel the emotion...well done
and congrats on GOLD!!!!
Unsigned
~
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wow, i love it. you did a great job with both prompt and poem
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Love it.Explains the pic very well!!
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very very good
tres bien
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You have given me hope, you have rid my life of pain! *Sob* Thank you sir. Lol No seriously nice poem! And strange how you can think like that soo early in the morning.
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you are just a talented writer!!! you have written this so beautifully!! and you have layed my life bare! lol.. I can relate to this so much!! Great job!!
Best of luck!
Jetleena
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