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Fierce

Wanting.

    Your Soul

          deep inside mine.

Needing.

    Your words
   
          wrapped around my heart.

Trembling.

    Our hearts

          contracting violently.



Simultaneous


              C
              o
                l
                l
                  a
                  p
                    s
                    e
                      .

Author notes

Prompt: 20 words or less

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • BillyClyde
    July 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent .....I love it ...the form....the words...beautiful


  • movedon
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful write! I loved the style that you used. The spacing and what not is beautiful!!!!!!!!!

    Mylee


  • Lowell Poe
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are passionate gypsy.
    Were you conceived within the sound of the howling bliss of the wolf?
    For I think it is there your gift was born.

    FIRECELY UNTAMED.
    LIAM


  • She burns
    May 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Intense and beautiful, the deepest our love can be...


  • Shahrazad
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Outstanding imagery.... I liekd what you did with the word collapse at the end. The poem itself was quite abstract... Lovely- there was defiantely feeling behind this poem.

    Thanks for the lovely read!


  • Sweet Zephyr
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great&Thanks

    I always take it upon myself to comment back to people and I always try to look for one of their better poems and, let me tell you, I didn't have to look so hard for a good poem by you. This poem is excellent in the way that it helps to combine the feelings of the body and soul. Keep up the good work!


  • CaliOkie silver member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Breathtaking. Beautiful blending of body and soul. It left me shook to the core. Excellent. Good luck.

    CaliOkie


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that last 'stanza' ... your 'ars poetica' (use of format to enhance a poem's meaning, use of rhythm to emphasize or counterpoint content) is flamboyant and wonderful.

    that last stanza ... about says it all, yes?


    totally total

    Moqui adores this one


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent Composition--Creative presentation!--Well Done & Best of Luck in the Contest!


  • teddybare
    April 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    the name suits it

    love this piece i agree that the text styling adds great power here


  • eltortedequeso
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh wow! great job with this one! I love how you break up your words and lines, it puts so much emphasis on what you want the readers to read! very effective and I love the collapse at the end! good luck in the contest!

1 - 11 of 11