Like a rainbow
you shine your love
completing my soul
enveloping my mind
in the magical universe
...of you
Author notes
20 Words
A contest entry
- Contest of the Shorts! by Shahrazad.
450 points, ended May 6, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I really liked the last lines....
however.. the words leading up to thsoe last lines seemed too flowery and casually thrown together, rather than specifically placed (like a short poem calls for)......... for instance a rainbow doesn't really shine... so that wasn't the BEST of word choices. You have a lot of images in here that could work... but I ffeel like there were too many for sucha short work... I think if you choose one, and run with it, you'll get better results.
Thanks for entering my contest! -
This is excellent and the words of conclusion "of you"
is a masterpiece in tying the composition together!
Well Done & Best of Luck in the Contest!
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Well you've stated love beautifully in 20 words. Best wishes and good luck to you in the contest!
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