Phantom whispers
Behind plasic smiles
Rarely hinting
At the pain held within
These "perfect" people.
Shadowed hearts,
Tell stories of
Unbearable pain and suffering.
A contest entry
- Masks by Exodus.
925 points, ended May 31, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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To the honest the last line lets the piece down. "Unbearable pain" is just a bit of an... obvious description I guess. From the tone of the rest of the piece I think you could have stretched yourself and come up with something really powerful. That said, I enjoyed this. Thank you
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i really like how you have used such a simple title to tell about many deep feelings i like how you say tell stories of unbearable pain and suffering, keep up the great writing, -Amy
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i really like the title you have used for this poem i like the detials you have used and they show so much feeling keep up the great writing, -Amy
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