So Sceared

She might be leaving soon
but she will not tell me whats wrong.
My great grandma of 87
but my mother for so long.
If she leaves where will she go?
How do i know shes safe?
Im sceared of death
and all that comes
i do not want her to leave.
Am i supposed to smile as she does?
she trustes so much in god
but how do i now
that shes ok
and that her sufferings stoped.
she is the world to me.
my mother my best friend
so if she leaves me
and im alone.
how long to its my end
Im the suicidle on
im the one who should die
she deserves to be in a great place
not live a horride lie
so what happens when shes gone?
can "GOD" answer me that
i lost my grandma on my 14th birthday.
im not even old yet!
i dont want her to leave me
im not ready for all that.
but i cant sence that shes dying.
but i dont know her last breath.
i wont even be there,
cause i left that life.
the drugs and the sick people
that took over her house.
and took over her mind.
as she lays in the hospital.
they steal her stuff for drugs.
i want them to die.
i want them to leave.
but the "GOD" says they deaseve to live!!
i dont believe that is fear.
No i dont want her to suffer
but what if there is no heaven
and she has to hurt and live in pain?
i hate this and i hate my family.
they are horride people
and didnt take care of her.
im not ready for her to leave me yet
i dont care what anyone says
i cant let this happen now
i cant let her leave me alone
im so sceared and hate talking to everyone about it
i dont want to feel like this.
i cant.
i cut my self to let out the pain
but on this matter it wont feel the same
she is the world around me.
if she leaves. who will be there
when i need them the most.
who will be the one that i trusted?
how am i going to live with this?
I DONT THINK I CAN
it hurts im my heart and im my head
i just want to scream
i cant loose her
not again!