O summer how we’d wait for you
and long for summer things to do.
We’d frolic in the sun and play;
but then you took my love away.
O summer you’re that time of year,
With evening starlight veil so sheer.
A sun kissed beach and burning sand;
why did you steal my lover’s hand?
O summer you’re the season dear,
with air so fresh and skies so clear,
with bathing suits and white chiffon.
You took my love and now he’s gone.
O summer with your breeze so warm
and freshness of your summer storm.
I see you in a different light,
you took my love that summer night.
O summer how I hate you so,
my love for him shall never go.
My hating you is justified,
for summer’s when my lover died.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 1 Summertime - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
8000 points, ended May 16, 2008, 46 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 1a Summertime by cricketjeff.
400 points, ended May 15, 2008, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments:
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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A lovely and lyrical piece with a wonderful flow, and very pleasing to the ear indeed.
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This is so so beautifully written. Great rhyme and flow. I understand why you got gold for this poem. SO much love of the earth and of the mate drifts out like a floral scent from the screen.
The ending is a surprise and quite sad. Thanks. I truly enjoyed reading this.
~ Joyce
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Thank you
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You managed to combine two completely different things into one complete whole. This is a joy to read even though it's a sad write. Well deserving of the gold.
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Brilliant, a joy to read and on with yet such a sad and tragic end. Congratulation on the win, a very well deserved prize.
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dee23
congratulations , this was beautiful. Certainly a winner. -
Congratulations on the silver as well. Jeff is quite right, we really couldn't choose between gold and silver because both were outstanding.
Well done again..Love Sue
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Congratulations Amera on the gold and on this beautiful poem. A very different and sad take on the prompt and I found it to be stunning and heart wrenching at the same time, which is a wonderful experience.
Well done...
Love
Sue
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How did this get by me without a comment. You have made this a very personal experience. A love/hate relaitonship with a season. A very interesting image and one that successfully captivates and delivers! One cannot help but feel for such a loss and wish to help fill the void.
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Perfection
This is quite simply beautiful, no hiding behind form, not tricks just pure and simple poetry, nobody will read this poem and think anything other than it is a beautiful, timeless and unbelievably sad poem. You have never written anything better.
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Love the repeating theme. Interesting poetry.
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This was a powerful write, Sis and powerful sad emotion expressed, as well. I really liked the flow of this. It makes love seem like summer in a metaphorical way, like how love can sometimes seem to not last very long much like the season of summer before it fades away. Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest.
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Awww... how sad!
I loved this, though. The rhyme was flawless, the form perfected. You write expertly and yet manage to not feel mechanical or forced... it all flows so perfectly and beautifully, as though it was always meant to be just this way.
I did want to know more about the lover's death. It certainly piqued my curiosity.
Great job and good luck in the contest (again, I doubt you need the luck).
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When I think of summer, I think of happiness (and no school) but this is very sad. The last stanza is really powerful and I've no words to decsribe the feeling after I read it. I'm so sorry for what caused you to write this. I love you
Tay
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Excellent
and a joy to read with its perfect form, good flow, meter and rhyme. My best to you in the contest.
Jim
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OUT STANDING
You have taken us on a journey through the bliss of Summer only to pull the sadness back in...To loose ones love is to loose a little piece of ones on life...never to forget the time, date, month are year...so touched by your words
Niaish my Little Blue Star for sharing your heart with me
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I very much enjoyed the meter in this poem ... usually, summer poems are always sunny and happy, I love it that you broke the cliché through this verse ... I can hear a different voice of you here, more innocent and simple, very authentic ...
thank you for sharing,
maa
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It's so simple, it teeters on the brink of being simplistic, but comes down on the right side - that's what counts. I don't think this is you at your absolute mind-busting brilliant, but it's still good, Sis.
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Lovely original write-
Good luck babes-
xxx Hilly
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waaaa, thats great so well flowing but sadd ::s ur so ggood at being great thats why i love you sis coz ur great
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OH, this poem rivets into my poor heart in such a way! It is so tenderly penned and written with sweet longing, with beautiful rhyming and form. Sigh... a truly splendid write, dear one. The repetition is wonderfully felt.
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So sad but so beautifully written...
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I have just got home (missed the last train!) and switched on the computer and you have left me a fabulous comment on my poem, then I read new by my favourite's and I find the saddest and most beautiful poem I can imagine. It is so wonderful. I have to learn to rhyme, this is so beautiful, and so sad.
O summer...
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*sniffle* Oh sis, this is sooooooooo sad! You have summer covered and I have winter covered... I guess that sums it up huh?
You did a great job on this one!! You know where to find me if you want to talk.
Best of luck in this contest!!
and love
Nyetta
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