In ages past, all sailors knew,
travelers spoke of winsome wenches
who dwelt at sea where legends grew.
Bewitching songs, forboding clinches,
led men to often ghastly marshes,
of shattered wrecks and gruesome stenches.
Bones picked bare by crabs and fishes
littered sea bottoms and beaches,
where men were drawn against their wishes ...
to find their souls drained dry by leeches
disguised as lovely, lissome maidens,
who roamed the ocean’s farthest reaches.
Thus as each sailor’s life force faded,
a siren perched upon the cliffs
in wait, to have her bloodlust sated.
For, as each ship fell on the drifts
and stranded on that magicked shore --
crashing amongst galleons and skiffs ...
she claimed each soul ... forevermore.
Author notes
Achelous was the River God, and was supposed to have been the father of the Sirens mentioned by Homer in the Odyssey. The poem is, obviously, about the Sirens.
I mixed terza rima with a villanelle format, so if this looks a bit odd, that's because it is.
A contest entry
- Options by peaceandpenguins.
700 points, ended May 6, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Viking inspired, pagan poetry. by Nyhte.
400 points, ended August 6, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need Favorites ^___^ by edit my world..
555 points, ended September 3, 2008, 68 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I need to read something GOOD. by AutumnsFlame.
800 points, ended September 1, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Great imagery in this! I liked it a lot, and the story that went with it was interesting and created a cool piece. You pulled off the format and the story at the same time without it sounding awkward, which is hard to do, but you did it very well! Thank you for entering my contest.
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And I've never read this one! I love it. I couldn't tell you if this draft is any better than the old draft (only because I've never seen the old draft) but what I am reading is superb. There's a lot of feminine rhyming that ends on unstressed syllables (and that's usually a risk) but you play it off by giving these rhymes a smoothly flowing context.
Bravo!
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I rewrote ...
the whole second half of this because of a tense discrepancy.
Thanks for the kind words.
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wow what a beautiful poem.
very impressed
this is one of my favorite myths
so impressing me is hard
great job
and love the backround -
Kudos
Very well written, it inspires an image...and awe. The third entry in my contest to have exceeded my expectations. -
Learn the rules and then you are allowed to break them!!! This is a very visual poem and a lovely hybrid of the two forms!!! Congrats. on the Gold!!
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Loved it. Thank you for the Author's Note. "The Odyssey" is one of my favorites. Wonderfull woven piece, brother. Good luck. One.
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Seductive Blend
I think that the flow and rhythm of this piece is even more beautiful than either terza rima or villanelle. Seductive, yet chilling lines that paint bewitching pictures. Great write. I shall have to research the terza rima form more thoroughly and give it a try myself.
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Friend
You have chosen the very same mythology that I dabbled in. Your narrative-lyric is a pleasant poem and should do well. Best wishes,
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Well, I did read ...
The Illiad and The Odyssey, but that was years ago. I went to Wikipedia to look for background information to be sure my memory hadn't failed me, and after reading the information there, I wrote the poem. -
Wow, you're good. You have great knoweledge of mythology. Where'd you get it?
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The background on this piece fits the poem perfectly. You have a knack for the rhyme! It is always fun to read a sailor and mermaid poem.
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Beautiful
The flow, the rhyme, the story. An entertaining read, a mental trip back to Greek mythology. Wonderful.
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The word that comes to mind is succubi! You make the setting and happenings sound totally unromantic and that's appropriate. Great details.
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Really nice
a return to classics and a reaffirmation of just how wonderful and complete things used to be.
I love the rhyme, the flow the subject.
Well done
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In reading this piece. The reader can visualize the too long at sea falling under the spell of seductive sea maidens siren songs luring them to ruin. Fine piece from the prospective point of view of a sailor.
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Splendidly done.
A great story in an amazing rhyme scheme.
Just beautiful!
Anna.
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insanely beautiful...i am in love with most Greek mythology,
the minotaur and medusa among my favorites...quite a good flow also
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I love the rhythm & rhyme, and your engaging,
enchanting story line!
Forevermore, Poet!
~ Nicky♥
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I see ...
I neglected to tell you that I love your icon. It's really classy.
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