I dreamed last night
and your perfectly formed image appeared
in my mind
so like a incubus
enticing and alluring.
My body quickly responds
to the anticipated pleasures
though it seems like many eons
since last you whispered sweet love to me.
Your hot ghostly breath flows along my bare
trembling flesh
followed by ethereal like fingers searching.
Your otherworldly eyes sparkle
with the knowledge
of what you are doing to me.
My body surrenders willingly
to your touch
for it brings to me sweet peace
instead of the heart-breaking lonely night
that should have been.
Hours later when I awaken
my body achingly sated
my mind raw
weeping with the reality
that you weren’t with me
that all we had last night was a dream.
I’ve come to realize that my days
will be long and lonely without you my friend
but the nights…
oh those sweet nights my love
they shall be full.
So yes my love
I did dream of you last night
and hopefully, I shall again soon.
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompt by Hadji Murad.
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Comments
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I liked this. Very sensual.
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Wow this is absolutely beautiful. I really enjoyed it as it is. I don't think you need to change it, but that is my opinion. Thank you for sharing.
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Kelly, I find many beautiful images in this verse. If I were you, I would edit this incredible poem. Your spelling is correct. I have sensed these feelings in dreams and awakened feeling empty. I think you meant to convey emptiness and perhaps lonliness, for missing a past love.
What needs to be edited is your tenses from past to present.
For more impact use a couple of metaphors to spice this up. Other than that, I loved this read.
your friend,
Linda
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This is an interesting write
Oh but without the dreams loves would be lost forever so our souls embrace them within the night
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hummmmmmmmmm, good luck! I am a little thrown off by how sensual this read is yet in the first few lines you set it up for something more evil.
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I bet it was the incubus that threw you... everyone keeps telling me to drop the incubus. But I don't want to. Most people think of an incubus as evil I however don't see it as an evil entity. What s/he does is done only to survive. Each of us must face things that we do to survive.
I think of an incubus as alluring and a sexual being. Something that is the perfect dream for a person. Yes, deadly but perfection can be dangerous too. Look at the apple that Adam and Eve ate.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on my poem
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Very very beautiful poem of a memory of a great friend. Before i go any further, lose the 'incubus'. It is on opposite grounds to what you are saying and deflects. Apart from this, it is absolutely wonderful. good luck
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wow
I wish someone drempt of me in such a manner. Love, heartbreak, dreams ans reality I guess that covers the universe. A job well done, Boog
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*whistling*
That was one hell of a dream. It's just a shame that it was only that. Good job.
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I am really not sure about the use of the word incubus. It doesn't seem to go with the rest of the poem to me. /everything else seems like a nice happy dream. Also, I think hyphenating "heart-breaking" and putting it in 2 lines is more like writing a paragraph than poetry. It was a pleasant read and tells a sad but sweet story. These things are just my opinion.
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it should be "an incubus" not "a incubus"
um, other than that... i can't thnk of much you can do to improve it. it's really really good. great write.
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Dreaming
Thank you for the kind words. Yes, several people have told me it should be "an incubus". Thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate you taking the time out and reading my poem.
trekkergirl
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The ideal repeated dream might be what we all yearn for and, probably, never get. "A incubus" should read "an incubus" but in any case this is not a word that sits comfortably in the context of the poem. Most will view the incubus as a demon rather than a lover but....it takes all kinds. "ethereal like" might be better expressed as "ethereal-like". The dash break across lines 7/8 appears oddly and interrupts the flow. Verse five is hanging without proper resolution. The whole intense love poem might benefit from punctuation beyond the full stops (periods).
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Great imagery. I like the concept of being able to have someone even after they are gone if only in your dreams
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Simple pleasures
I enjoyed the poem immensely and was really rather tickled that you used the idea of the incubus to express what these dreams make you feel. I know it is generally not thought of in a pleasant form but personally I like the idea, kinda kinky if you ask me...
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i had to look up the word INCUBUS:
* noun: a male demon believed to lie on sleeping persons and to have sexual intercourse with sleeping women
* noun: someone who depresses or worries others
* noun: a situation resembling a terrifying dream
i thought it a lovely sensual poem until i looked up the meaning. filled with vivid imagery it paints a strong picture in ones mind. thank you for sharing this. you are very talented. keep writing! God bless you always
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on poem dreaming
Thanks for your reply. The word incubus was used because of the dreaming part in the poem. And I don't think of them as being evil they just have to do what they have to do to survive.
Incubus and succubus are very similar. I had to look up the word too to make sure that I was using it correctly. And I do believe it worked out well with this story.
Thank you for saying that I am talented. I do try to do the best that I can. I like to be very emotional as well as visual in my writings.
I hope to do well with this group.
trekkergirl
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The theme of this write is strong, and carries well throughout, however,I found this poem a bit confusing, due to the use of the word 'incubus'. It seems in the reading to be yearning for, and welcoming, the dream..and better yet, the reality. But, in my mind, an incubus is something evil and sly and destructive. My overall understanding of the write was hampered by this. Also, I see some need for punctuation. In stanza five, line four, I believe 'weeping' should read 'I weep', to keep continuity and maintain sentence structure.
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your comments on my poem Dreaming
Thank you for your comments on my poem. I appreciate your words very much. Yes, I do agree that I do need help with punctuation and with word tenses. Those are two of my faults. My editors help with these problems somewhat when they look at my poems and offer suggestions.
As for Incubus being evil... well isn't that a point of view really. A incubus is only doing what it does to survive. As all creatures natural or otherwise would do. I don't think of a succubus or incubus as being evil.
I think of them as a sexual being. And that was what I was trying to get across with this poem.
once again thanks for the comments. They are much appreciated.
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Very well done indeed. An interesting piece that has such a sad and lonley quality about it. Being with the one you love only in your dreams is both comforting in a way, but also heartbreaking.
Thanks for sharing.
I don't think you need to make any changes with this.
Gaylene
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I don't remember if I replied to this or not but I wanted to thank you for your kind words on my poem. I am new here and I don't know how to get people to read what I have written. I love to share my poems and what some people have told me that I am good.
But I want to improve and the only way that I can is if people read my writings and critique them. This way I come up with other ideas and learn new ways to write.
Once again
Thanks for replying
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I am new at this please let me know what you think. Does any changes need to be made? I really want to know what you think. Thanks
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