Two pair of feet walk slowly along the sidewalk
Hands clasped tightly..fingers perfectly linked.
One voice talking in excited chatter
The second listening in silence..a tremble of the lower lip
Nearing the destination, she tries to conceal her heartache
One final kiss before she releases him to the world
One slow blink
as the teardrop
slowly falls from her eye...
A contest entry
- Blink by Tigris.
450 points, ended June 8, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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ha, mommas are like that. very good.
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now you broke my heart!!! The imagery in this poem was very compelling Well done
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Poignant and heart stirring. Lovely write!
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again with the images. you use just enough to make the picture, but not so much to make the meal salty, know what i mean? Im trying to learn to write using sharp concret imagery without over doing the adjectives myself. i think this is a great template to start. much love and thanks for sharing your talent
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This is another strong poem. I think it could be further improved by cutting the last three lines and ending with "world". Why? The beauty of the piece is in the exquisite and detailed imagery that makes the reader feel the encounter, followed by the surprise when he realizes the context of the piece - a Mom taking her child to school for the first time. Reminescent of a Picasso painting of a child's first steps. This was handled beautifully, but I question whether the ending adds to the existing artistry, and might be mistaken as overly sentimental. Overall, a glorious write!
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I really like this.
It's pretty.
Good job.
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It's hard to let a child go forth into the world, especially when happens before you are ready. And seems as if your time together disappeared in the blink of an eye.
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So so true..I blinked and my baby's now 14.
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great imagery
Awesome poem, great imagery in it to. I love this poem! -
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Thank you
That first day is a killer..lol
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