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Flooded

 

 

Your heart's warmth

once washed over me

in seasons of love

 

Until touches

turned cold

and vicious winds

from your words

flooded this heart

 

twisting my soul

in turmoil

 

 

Author notes

PROMPT: TROPICAL CYCLONE, 30 WORDS OR LESS

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    May 31, 2008

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    wow you applied love and cyclone together so well here ..deep SiS

    Congrats on the bronze


    Cin


  • Lucy.
    May 3, 2008

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    Congratulations on the bronze. Fantastic take on the prompt! Great write.


  • sailor ptolema
    May 3, 2008

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    well done!

    I loved this poem, and the comparison to weather! It's well written. You can really sense the anguish this person is going through.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    May 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Love This!

    Like the wonderful use of words.
    I see you a weaver as well, heehee!
    Thanks for sharing, and congrates on placing.

    -Timothy


  • Valley Girl silver member
    May 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love how you compared an ending relationship to the weather. Genius! Congrats on the Bronze!


  • SilverStrandedEcho
    May 1, 2008

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    Wow.. Such a powerful display of emotion so few words. There is a tremendous depth here, painfully woven into beauty's light. This one hit home, with a vengeance. Amazing, I must say.. EXCELLENT! (Gold in my book.)


  • Midnite wolf gold member
    April 29, 2008

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    great write, the metaphor is great as is the imagery, so sad but yet so true, hope you find the carribean sun soon hun, tc x x x x

  • dillpickle62
    April 29, 2008

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    Sad poem

    This is something a part of so much I have heard and read. I know where the problem lies. There are not enough real men for the other side of beauty. The women God created.
    I hope you find happy sunshine.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What beautiful metaphor...I know this one all too well and the pain that flows with it...drowning a heart and causing inter turmoil...wonderful work...
    You are amazing in heartfelt sorrow...
    Best!


  • Solo Wisp gold member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aww .. why can't it be a happy tropical cyclone? Come to the light side Jacks, the light side.

    well ... can't blame me for trying ... turmoil spins recklessly. Can't help to be sucked into it at one moment or another.
    *big hugs to you*
    Steve


  • LadyDementia gold member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congrats on the bronze!

    Wow, I really get the cyclonic feel of this. I love the ending, superbly done hunni....you just breath these. Congrats on the bronze


  • my.stars.dont.shine
    April 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love this write.
    you can always say a lot in few words.
    i love it. =]


  • stavykm gold member
    April 28, 2008
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    Wow

    Twisted soul of turmoil. This is such a great write for feeling like you are in a cyclone of confusion. What a nightmare. Great expressions of emotions in this poem. You did a fabulous job sis and congradulations on the bronze. Just loved this!!! DARK
    Much Love
    Your Sis
    Kelle Marie


  • Lavender Butterfly silver member
    April 28, 2008
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    Deeply creative and sincerely metaphoric... x


  • liduen silver member
    April 28, 2008

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    Very interesting take of the prompt. I love the continuous metaphor throughout the poem. The best of luck to you in the contest...this is absoulutly stunning!


  • SuicidalLover
    April 28, 2008

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    Typhoons of Love

    I wish you luck on this. It is beautifully sculpted.
    ~Kystal Angel


  • Keyser Soze
    April 28, 2008

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    Sounds like our fine game holds another hostage. Any thoughts on how that would feel - the twisting of the soul? Does your mind automatically jump to the inside, where you as the soul twist your torso to relieve pain/stretch, or to the outside where your hands wring tears from the soul like a towl in the rain? What texture has a soul?

    It's interesting to note the word 'seasons', suggesting an ebb and flow - where previous issues had risen?

    Fantastic imagery - great work


  • Heath Thompson
    April 28, 2008

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    What a great take on the subject matter! The first two stanzas complement each other really well.

    I first read the poem as follows "and vicious winds form your words" - which I really liked but obviously the next line didn't follow so I then noticed my error. "From" is just as good.

    I like your work.


  • Demoni
    April 28, 2008

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    Great

    Another beautiful poem.
    Great-ness thy name is kiwigriljacks!


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    April 28, 2008

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    Well Penned--A Lot said in a beautiful way with a minimum of words!
    Well Done & Best of luck in the contest!

1 - 21 of 21