A hand breaks through the engulfing dark
a bright glimmer in the black of night
this feeling forever leaves a mark
heart once lost in darkness, now full of light
the hand holds your heart in its gentle palm
brimming with endless, honest love
freezing the panic, inducing pure calm
surely this love isn't worldly, perhaps from above
a beautiful bond, not easily broken
an honest feeling of care, always pulling through
a connection between souls, oft unspoken
A true friendship's embrace gently whispers "I love you".
Author notes
Is this too corny or cliche? Please tell!
- Dedicated Poet Society group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Friendship contest # 2 by brightsmylesxx.
650 points, ended May 13, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best non-trophy. by lilblueeyesmine1978.
425 points, ended May 8, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me :) SMILE by ixtli.
300 points, ended May 30, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round Contest - Round 1 - All are welcome by Florida Sunshine.
525 points, ended June 14, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Beauty in the eyes of those who truly see it. by TwilaTarragon.
525 points, ended June 24, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One hour to give me all your prewrites!! by LeilaJayne.
1000 points, ended June 1, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please cheer me up by fading memories.
400 points, ended June 13, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything by Fitz1901.
750 points, ended July 22, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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This is a very beautiful poem. I loved the way you ended it. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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It could easily be cliche, but it isn't. You did it very well, and you have some gorgeous imagery. I would suggest removing it from some of the ended contests that you didn't win anything in; it owuld clean up the page a bit. But the poem is beautiful. Great write!
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I wouldn't call it cliche, i would call it a deep, emotional, and completley true poem.
I really enjoyed it.
Thanks for entering
Ryan Fitz -
Thanks for your entry. An absolutely beautiful picture of love and friendship. I enjoyed the read. Hope to read more in the future.
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Very good,you'll probably be one of the finalists.Good luck and thanks for entering!
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Not corny, not cliche. Not in the least. Instead it is deep, and full of emotion that feels truly real. It reminds me of the bond I have with my friend Kayla. You're lucky to have firends like that. Yes, I know that everyone says this, but it's true. I also like you rhyme. Congratulations, you are really good with rhyme!!! I am not!!! It does't feel forced like a lot of stuff I read. Fantastic write, and gook luck in my contest!!
-Twila -
No I honestly don't think it's too cliche`. I believe that feelings are said cause thats how you feel. I have a few friends where this type of connection was made. The really nice thing is you know that it will be a lifelong friendship.
Also, I wanted to meantion how smooth you are with rhyme. So many poet seem to force it along. Yours is 'natural' like it was meant to be there all along!
Terrific write ~ Thanks for entering ~ Good luck in the round! -
Hood-Wink!
Are you really 13?
You are extremely talented. I read one of your poems earlier but wanted to come back for more. And I was not disappointed. Very, very well done!!!! Keep up the great work 
--Tim
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Hood-Wink!
"A hand breaks through the engulfing dark
a bright glimmer in the black of night
this feeling forever leaves a mark
heart once lost in darkness, now full of light"
Your amazing lines above sum up how my husband now saved my life. I was searching in the dark and he found be and pulled me into the light. Amazing write congrats on the Gold! Theresa
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Poetic Bandits (Hoodwinked)
Hi! This is amazing for a thirteen year old. Your vocabulary and word use is impressive. It is a joy to read someone with your potential. You have a knack for the poetic phrase.
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Lovely Write!
You've been HOODWINKED! Such deep meaning from one so young. Words from the heart with great timing & rhyming. This is not corny at all! This is the type of friendship one dreams of. Wish I had this kind of closeness in my life now. Sadly, I don't. Reading about it warms my heart. Knowing that others feel this way, especially at such a young age is exceptional! Bravo! Glad you won the gold. You deserved it!
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very sweet.
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Hood Wink!
Sweetly charming this is delightful to read, I do not think it is to corny or too cliche
Congrats on the Gold this has won
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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Hoodwinked!
Beautiful imagery and metaphor; a friend really can pull you out of the darkness and into the light.
Your final line could use trimming. Also, you use the word "connection" two lines in a row:
the connection of friendship cheerfully sings "I love you".
how about, instead, something like:
friendship's embrace whispers "I love you".
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Great rhythm, rhyme and flow - lovely god trophy to add to the write as well. Sentiments well expressed here - easy to read and understand.
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I don't think that this is corny or cliche. Nice job!
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this is well written and i enjoyed it thoroughly. I hope to possibly read more from you after the contest is over and I know your username.
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I don't think this is corny or cliche at all! The rhyme on this is just beautiful this really show true friendship. Thanks for this wonderful entry and good luck in my contest!
~
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