Music flowing around me
People packed like frozen goods
While walking beside me
A story hints, tortures, reaches my ears
A man with a violin
He wants only money.
Yet a story is being told,his
Since I have nowhere to be now
No hurry, No rush; I listen,I learn
Of death, pain, loss, joy, agony,
and everlasting love
He was married too young
With kids to support
But his parents died
Leaving him penniless
How he struggled with endless jobs
How he loves his wife and kids
No matter what one endures in life:
There is always the strength, everlasting love
That keeps one living
I walk on but when I get home
I rush and greet my kids and my husband
With gratitude and everlasting love
Author notes
Option 1
A contest entry
- April New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended May 5, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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A thoughtful piece giving the subject much compassion.
The reader gets the picture very clearing on what the musician is thinking.
*Suggestions*
Were this mine, I wouldn't have used so much punctuation. Poetry needs to lift and fly.
Thank you for entering and welcome to the site!
F:
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Welcome to allpoetry
Wouldnt have the poem appealed more to the reader but for the striking background which hurts the eyes?? Presentation matters too, kindly edit. Thanks for the entry.. -
Welcome to all poetry!
A fine sharing this is
You might check punctuation in some places
Also, could you put which option you used in your author's notes?
Again, welcome to the site! Wishing you the best of luck in this contest and in all your writing endeavors -
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My poetry
I have tried to put punctutation in my poetry and I don't like it. i tried your suggestion but i got other suggestions that people told me i shouldn't. this poetry is for me about my life by my own style and i understand the need for suggestions but i like my poetry without punctuation and if it seems off to you, that is just how my punctuation is intended to be. my poetry is freeflowing unless i put the stops or pauses or both where i want to.
thanks for your opinions but i disagree. i like my poetry the way it is. if poetry is all about being superficial looking like "real" poetry due to presentation like spelling, rhyme, rhythm, pictures and so forth than it is not poetry but meaningless string of words. My poetry has to mean something; something to me. if you like it fine. if you don't fine. i'm open to suggestions but remember i have my own rules.
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