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Harbor Belle

I dance for you, I sing, I wait.
there's nothing left to contemplate.
My bells ring and the boat's horn blows
the ocean trickles over my toes.
The cold wind grasps my shadowed face
as I await your warm embrace.
I watch you prance from port to port
I've watched her smiles with no retort.
I've beckoned waves to change your course
and yet I still feel some remorse.
My choice was green and young and true
I knew forever I'd wait for you.

Crystal Kerr
04~27~08

Author notes

Inspiration: 3 Gypsy Story Picture.

r o s i e 4 4 9 1

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Humm...very beautiful piece showing the heart of yours my friend...well done..and my thanks for sharing it...


  • marlene47 silver member
    April 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice take on the prompt, your entry has a nice sound to it.
    Congratulations on the gold.
    Marlene


  • rainwalker
    April 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this, you have excellent rhyme in this and you pulled a beautiful story out of the picture. I do have a few suggestions just to help the flow a little.

    -In line four I would remove the word "my"
    -In line five I would suggest changing "shadowy" to "shadowed"
    -In line 9 I would remove "the"
    -And line 12 as well...maybe something like:

    Forever I would wait for you

    Remember that these are only suggestions and they are based on my opinion, but the meter here with a tweak or two of these lines would be PERFECT. You don't have to change them the way I say either just look at those lines and see what your muse suggests. I thank you so much for sharing this piece with us. Keep on writing!

    -Laura


    • rosie4491
      May 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow! Thanks so much for the tips and the gold!
      I see what you mean about line 12 but I think it would change the meaning if I did that. The line currently shows a stubbornness and pre-knowledge of the consequences of that love. Something the other line lacks. But thank you so much for everything either way!