Dont stand there and say you know me
cause odds are you dont
Dont yell at for not being who you want me to be
im not going to be her im gonna be me
Dont sit there and point out every little flaw i have
ive already figured them out. There burdens I carry
around with me. There the reason for the tears in my
eyes and the sobs that are stuck in my thraot.
DOnt take my happynes and make me fealy guilty about it
saying I have no right to be happy with the way things
are going in my life. And how im turing out
Author notes
This is pretty much my whole life story
A contest entry
- You're not listening to me are you? by Amazon Huntress.
450 points, ended May 11, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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"Dont sit there and point out every little flaw i have
ive already figured them out. There burdens I carry
around with me. There the reason for the tears in my
eyes and the sobs that are stuck in my thraot"
It was all so amazing but this line for some reason just jumped out at me the most =] wonderful write.
x-Pretty-Odd-x <3 -
this is really sad but i feel the emotion.. i like it still but just remember you have us friends
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Love the way you condense a life story into so few lines, you tell it very clearly. Powerful title too.
Thanks for entering!
*~Huntress~* -
Loved It!!!
You did a great job in this poem, and I like the way your wrote about something almost everyone can relate to. Just a few grammatical errors:
Line 1: Dont should be Don't.
Line 2: dont should be don't.
Line 3: Dont should be Don't, also, I think you meant to say "Don't yell at me. You left out the me.
Line 4: There should be a comma after "her".
Line 5: Don't again.
Line 6: Ive should be I've, and there should be they're.
Line 7: There should be they're.
Line 8: Throat is misspelled, just looks like a typo.
Line 9: The o in Don't is capitalized, I think just another typo, and you didn't put the apostrophe in there again. Also, you misspelled happiness.
Line 11: Im should be I'm.
Not huge deals, still a great poem, I just have a thing for grammar, lol. Sorry if this pisses you off, I didn't mean to. -
Dont stand there and say you know me
cause odds are you dont
lifes full of fakes!!!
realy nice i like it
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theres good and bad in all of us, the glass can be half empty or half full try to be positive.
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