S miling so tightly she feels the pain in her cheek
T ears held in check, for emotion makes her weak.
Rigidly she holds herself, and feels her muscles ache
A t times she isn't sure how much more she can take.
I n each day she listens to the screaming in her brain
N o one seems to notice she is under so much strain.
A contest entry
- Strain by Mirthryl.
900 points, ended May 9, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very nice acrostic. Good rhyming, overall nice flow. The only place I stumbled was "In each day she listens" which seemed a little oddly phrased. What do you think of something along the line of "Inescapable, the voices screaming..."?
Very descriptive. Also reminds the reader we can be unaware of much suffering around us, and people we never suspected of struggling may be under serious strain.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and for your entry in my contest. -
Acrostic
I like it. Although it is really sad, I can see the hint of humour which makes it more interesting,
like the screaming in my brain...ooohhhh! 
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oh, this is good! thanks for sharing this, and good luck with the contest,
Luck
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