*
The glorious wind blows all along with me
The cold breeze is piercing into beneath my skin
On this splendid night, i lie on a shiny star
Gazing,staring, watching the ceiling going wild
As i take a walk in between the lights
With tingling garland in my wavy hair
Something under the roof makes me weep
FREEZING! i wish a cloud can embrace me
A stoned creature lives in my head
There's a box of dreams on my bed
In a hole, all my secrets are spread
In the backyard, all the kids are dead
But i live in wonderment instead ..
*
Author notes
had to re-write it so it'll hv the same number of meters and all the "formal" stuff required =)
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Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The poem is absorbing, surreal. The lines, a bx of dreams on my bead,in a hole, all my secrets are spread, is a fine picture. I think of someone who's taken out the treasures of their mind and puts some away in a secret place. I also like the way you say, I lie on a shiny star, that's totally origonal. It's a provocative piece, creating thoughts.
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sweet
my favorite part is:
In a hole, all my secrets are spread
In the backyard, all the kids are dead
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"i wish a cloud can embrace me"
ok.. now I dont know if you really wish this, but I do everytime I see one, I think it would be soo much fun to be able to lay on a cloud! I love this write, It gave me the chills!! Keep up the great penning!
Cristy -
"A stoned creature lives in my head
There's a box of dreams on my bed
In a hole, all my secrets are spread
In the backyard, all the kids are dead
But i live in wonderment instead .. "
i love this!
rly nice tefy!
~rana~
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even better...although i dont usally like the "formal" stuff
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