The poo to end all poos
passed through me today.
I had to break it up in thirds
to triple flush it away.
It had a marble coat, and
a corn skin hat. A helicopter
twirl, the width of a bat.
When it hit the water
it emptied the bowl
soaking my nuts &
drowning my hole
At first, I felt better
Until I caught whiff
Of its mashed components
And all the 'what if's'!
Like "what if it's deadly"?
Or "what if it talks"?
"WHAT IF IT GETS OUT OF THE POT,
AND WALKS"!!!
My mind was awash
With endless scenarios
Then out burst its twin
In deafening stereo.
I reached for my ankles
I clutched my wet socks
Trying to recall when I'd
Ate cinder blocks?
Sweat poured in torrents
From my face, and my back
I moaned as if birthing
A breeched tire Jack.
There were knocks at the door
Of love and concern
I even heard grandma
Say a prayer for her fern
But the plant had long withered
And dried to off tan
Since, I can never remember
To switch on the fan.
Author notes
#4
Written December 15th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Laugh by TakenSoul.
300 points, ended August 3, 2006, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
-
Classic.
-
good luck in the contest
~~Sawyer -
This is so funny, a great entry. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck to you in all you do.
-
*giggles* I do that all the time, though that isn't something I admit often, so be grateful (sp?). Wonderful write and best of luck in the contest.
Coconut
-
that was so freakin funny. it kinda makes ya wonder, with the bear background and all. that musta been on big Mr. Hanky....
-
I usually don't care for "bathroom" humor, but this was funny. Good luck in the contest!
-
eww lol, very wrong yet funny lol. thank you for entering and plz do remember to read the rules thank you and good luck
-
The Best of the Best
I enjoy a little scatological humor now and then O.K. most of the time. YOU are real POO GENIUS 
Thanks for the belly laugh !!!
-
BRILLIANT STUFF!!!!! Exactly what I wanted, well done!!!
-
you have earned a laugh from me, rhythmic and funny, good job.
-
Holy shit!!! Pun most deffinatly intended. Hilarious dude!! I never thought that pooh could be that incredibly funny!! Good luck, Though I don't think you need it. You probably feel better already.
-
critical
ha ha ha ha this is great! it made me gag a bit, but I still loved it! Thanks for entering -
This was hilarious, the kind of thing that i find really funny. Great rhymes as well i'm a big fan of rhyming poetry, brilliant
-
ROFLMAO!
This is beyond funny---except I have a brother just like this. God, when we were young adults I wouldn't go anywhere with him unless he had some kind of stick handy for him to take the turds down to manageable size.
He was always overflowing the toilets in the gas station, always running out of the rooms half zipped up yelling "Get the car going and get us out of here! I just started another flood!"
Gotta be old when you start getting nostalgic about poop.
-
I'm big on the poop poems. I write them myself and understand the deep emotional strain that goes into squeezing one out. So I applaud you for this beautiful heart felt piece... or pieces... or mound of soggy semisolid.
-
lol That was awful, in a good way. Very amusing, despite the sickening images and thoughts
- Sock -
I am laughing so hard right now.......I've always had a sick sense of humor!
-
LMAO - holy shit - no pun intended - your really reachin for things to write about eh? this was so gross it was kinda funny!
-
Good god man! How about a courtesy flush!! I gotta say, as a male of the species, I don't think I'll ever grow out of my appreciation for such sophomoric humor. This was so hilariously clever and the imagery... oh gawd!
"Trying to recall when I'd
Ate cinder blocks?"
Even the way you mangled the language to make the meter work lends to the sort of horrific out-of-control feel that we've all experienced on the pot at one time or another.
Bravo!
-LongRoadHome -
HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHH yo man this is funny 1 very poetic as well ... i like i like i like i like! well done!
-
LMAO....I hope everything came out o.k.
...HAHAHA...good stuff and nice flow...great job....thanks for entering the contest and good luck
-
Umm, I'm glad everything came out okay. LOL
-
This reminds me, vaguely, of "Ode to the Commode," a short piece I wrote years ago while in the hospital recovering from major surgery. Need I say more? LOL!
This was so funny, Horus, and surely lives up to what our hostess is looking for in humor. So, good luck in the contest!
Love and hugs, BonnieQ
-
how many times have I read disgustingly funny in the last 3 poems? great stuff.
tf -
omg this was funny. And you have a way with words that I can not describe.LOL
-
lol very good ty forentering and good luck
-
ewwwwwww..... thazz nasty.... I LOVE IT
good luck
lynn -
At first I was thinking "Ewww... I don't want to hear about this!" But it was very funny Nice job!
Unfortunatly, I know the feeling! You described it well!
Very nice! -
lol woah, man, youve got guts to write about this stuff! thats gross, and funny - good for you! haha
~Erin Rosalee
-
hahahahaha, loving the write. i've never heard poo described like that before man hahaha... this was gross and yet hilarious. ver well writen thank you for this and good luck man hahahahaha
much love
God Bless
Amber -
Nothing makes a grown man laugh like poo!! I really hate to say it, but you got me with this one...it was just the right combination of stupid and ridiculous!! You've done well!!
-
The story of my time in the bathroom, right here hehe. This was an interesting write, and the bear background says a lot to this... That you seem to have bear turds instead of human ones Kidding. Great work and best of luck to you in my contest!
Coconut
-
ROFL This is disgustingly funny. What a way to start off my day.
-
Man, this is hilarious. Disgusting, but hilarious. Just shows that no subject is out of reach for a skilled wordsmith. lol
Mark -
Actually, it was a dedication to you in first person.
-
This is a pretty good poem about your blown out asshole
-
haha eww I could practically smell shit reading this, it was so detailed. Some uh, good but disgusting imagery in here. All in all, kick ass. thanks for entering my contest. Keep up the awesome writing...you owe me 5 comments (READ THE RULES). Take it easy now.
<3,
alison -
weird weird weird and might be considered as totally un approperiate to some which makes me like it like shit! opps! bad choice of words!
-
You should see the expression on my face! My youngest son Ryan comes here to take a dunk and he funks up the whole house, says he can't use it any where else, especially at the house he share with two male cousins! I wonder why??? LOL He's 20 and I can only imagine what the hell he eats to make the whole house smell like three weeks of molded garbage, and dozens of stinky feet! Probably nothing but fast food coursing through his body. This is funny and farty. Good luck!
Renee
-
wrinkles her nose eeeww... somehow this one had me smiling despite the content, and I am glad to see it was in the correct category, certainly not a poem for the weak or faint hearted...
Sephiroth Hi no Tenshi -
very funny
LMFAO! wow, wow the first few lines say it all, dude, this, this one is more messed up than the first one i read of yours, i like them though, ur on my favorites now -
any turd weighing over five pounds must be lowered with a rope....this one wiped me out.....in poetry you need some good vowel movement but after a three bean burrito fest and triple margarita night, you need only a good bowel movement, and is the bowl in bowel a coincidence or is it directly related to the porcelain God that our cheeks bend and genuflect to daily if we are regular believers in the cleansing of the waste in our lives.....no one has ever made a horror movie yet where someones stool becomes deadly and grows huge and wipes out towns, and takes on the army with a poopshoot....lol...well i feel better pinching that loaf from my mind...hope your next
doodles as creatively expandsive as this one was....Artis
Edited on Mar 13 because ''. -
Do I like it? Do I laugh? Do I want to read more poems like this? Does a bear shit in the woods?
-
Quite graffic, very funny. beleive me, judging was not easy.
-
OMG. FUCKIN HILARIOUS. pure genious. man. u have guts...
-
Shit fits you nicely...i loke the dookie look on you... this poem well nothing else to say but it reaks of you...and how wouldn't it i jsut started to look at your other stuff and this one caught my eye....see ya choder.
-
ah, you are a potty mouth, and obviously a shitty ass. I think that you can always gauge the brilliance of a poet by the strength of his bathroom poetry. You sir, have a fine mind keep 'em coming (by 3's if you please).
-
You've got you're rhyming just right with this one Horus. (I prefer to rather comment on the structure of this one than on the content!). Keep it coming.
-
Poo humor - someone always loves it
The second stanza is a bit too much information for my taste though Funny write and thanks for entering
-
Ah, but your warning came too late, you see.
I am always telling my malodorous giggling 12 year olds that bathroom humor is something they will grow out of, but truth is - we never do. Especially when it is done as well as this. Revels in the single (or perhaps triple)event that unites all humanity. Well done.
Jane -
that was the most disgusting and interesting thing i have ever read...kudos to you. lots of creativity, loved every stanza. good luck in the contest, and thanks for sharing.
-
This poem is SHIT. From beginning to end.
-
LMFAO OMG
i wrote a poem about a turd as well...well me an my friend did an as i read this i thought of the poem an her omg this is so funny
good job an good luck
~Jen~ -
Mr Hanky comes to mind. Gross but funny in a wierd sort of way.
-
Gross, funny, nice write.
Like, "what if it's deadly?"
Or "what if it talks?"
"WHAT IF IT GETS OUT OF THE POT AND WALKS!!!"
My mind was awash
with endless scenarios
Then out burst its twin
in deafening stereo.
I liked that stanza. This line I had a quesition about:
and dried to off tan
Doesn't appear to make sense, although I may just be reading it wrong.
Adding your comment:
1 - 55 of 55
18 old applause
