He was a harmless yound man from brazil
Left his flat in scotia road in tulsehill
He had no idea not a thought nor a fear
As he walked to the bus downn the hill
He was quite unaware who followed him there
Plain clothes cops who were armed to the teeth
His thoughts were maybe of his poor family
To whom he sent money each week
As he got off at his stop close behind came a cop
With his mates armed and keen for the kill
He paused for a while at the stockwell turnstile
Pushed through his ticket untill
He paused once again so he could obtain
A free paper to read so it seems
He must have looked vicious caus’the police were suspicious
Of his white skin denem jacket and jeans
When he got to the concourse he ran caus’of course
The train had come onto the scene
He sat down in haste and was grabbed round the waist
Whilst one hero’s aim put seven shots through his brain
Became even bolder put one more through his shoulder
In case one spark of life should remain
the police chief was declared innocent free from any blame
the perpetrater went scott free,is back at work again
so always look behind you you never know what's in store
the moral of this story is there's no justice any more
.
Author notes
This is a true story that took place in London
A contest entry
- Prewrite Plethora by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended May 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Those Unknowing Enemies.. by Act on Impulse.
800 points, ended August 27, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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wonderful rhyme. beautiful macabre story.
Stunning
belle.. -
Aye, it is sad. Great telling of a terribly unnecessary tragedy.
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You are quite a storyteller. This is very fast-paced, with great flow. The only two things I have a problem with are: 1.that the rhyme scheme broke at the end, and the whole thing turned very messy, with the effect that the piece ended weakly. Very dissapointing as it started out so strong. and 2.it is emotionally detached. I would suggest maybe letting the reader into the mind of the man being chased. A few tweaks and some work on the ending and you'll have a fine piece on your hands.
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
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TheDemonEve
RE- "Legal Murder" I have managed to put a new ending (which in the light of subsequent events is now possible)on to
the poem hope you like it.Best Wishes George ++++ -
TheDemonEve
Thanks once more for your kind treatment
of my poems. "Legal Murder"you're right the
end was difficult to finish but as far as
getting into his head is concerned being a true story that would have been difficult
and unworthy.I was so incensed by the injustice perpetrated on this innocent man
and his family and the lies told by the police chief about the incident the
Kalasnicoff (Machine gun)solution seemed quite appropiate at the time
I'l work on it awhile see what I can do
Best Wishes and kind regards George ++++ -
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MUCH better!!!
Now this is fine writing, start to finish, first class and impeccable. Well done!!!!!
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That is so sad. It's horrible the acts that happen in today's society. Especially when they happen to innocent people. It also makes police in some countries seem scary because after hearing a story like this, who would really want to travel to London for fear of losing their life?
Thanks for sharing telling this story. It's sad, but I think it's important that these stories are told so people can know. Keep that pen flowing.
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