Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Cloak of Tolerance

Draped upon the shoulders of this day,
the solemn cloak of life relieves the chill.
This fitting garment soon shall fade away.

A shroud that keeps the truth of life at bay;
a semblance of what was once freewill.
Draped upon the shoulders of this day.

Our mantle shields the sins of yesterday
and blind us to the deeds that make men ill.
This fitting garment soon shall fade away.

Safe within our world to our dismay,
the fabric of our veil protects us still.
Draped upon the shoulders of this day.

We turn our heads when all has gone astray,
forgetting war and letting children kill.
This fitting garment soon shall fade away.

So look beyond your woven fine array,
remember there are things we can fulfill.
Draped upon the shoulders of this day,
This fitting garment soon shall fade away.

 

 

 

Author notes

Villanelle:
A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme:
aba aba aba aba aba abaa.
The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).
Form Resource: shadowpoetry.com

In a list

Comments:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • NeonRose silver member
    May 6
    Edit | Reply
    Love your theme in this write. A grand Villanelle.


  • penman gold member
    May 6
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    As usual such a masterful use of form. So very well done. Best of luck in the contest.


  • dericlee gold member
    May 5

    Edit | Reply

    A bit of last-minute coaching.




    This message goes out to all entrants:

    Finalists as shown on the contest page are preliminary choices.

    With three days left before contest closes, I’d like to take a moment to remind all entrants; a villanelle is a metered form, not just a ‘rhythmic’ form, and meter is a prime portion of the judging in this contest! Meter is not just “how many beats in a line” but a set pattern of stressed versus unstressed beats.

    While no particular meter is specified for the villanelle, it IS crucial that the meter be even. Whether iambic pentameter, anapestic trimeter, double-dactyllic meter, whatever meter, each line needs to at least loosely follow the same metric pattern as the others.

    Another strong facet if judging in this contest is demonstrating an adaptive use of the repeated lines; the best villanelles can’t be achieved by making the repeat lines sentences or independent clauses, but by using them in varied meanings as different parts of different sentences. I refer you to Dylan Thomas’ “Do not go gentle into that good night” for a fine example of how this is done. (For those unfamiliar with the work, I’ve now included it in the text of the Contest Page at http://allpoetry.com/contest/2401901 ) Please revisit the Contest Page…more information has been provided for your use in these last three days.

    If enough of you feel the need, contact me. For as few as (oh, lemme think… ) six requests, I’d be willing to stretch the contest by an additional five days so you can present your best work. In the interests of keeping what anonymity remains (glower!) please make those requests on the contest page, NOT by IM!

  • Desire gold member
    April 28

    Edit | Reply

    Holy Moly~~

    Another piece in fine form
    Gorgeous Voice and should I say ditto
    Love this!!!

    Brilliant write Beautiful
    Our mantle shields the sins of yesterday
    and blind us to the deeds that make men ill.
    This fitting garment soon shall fade away.
    These lines grab~~

    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~



  • PerVirtuous Allan gold member
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love this! It is breathtaking! You have woven the spiritual truth into a wonderful textured poem. I bow deeply then give a standing ovation. I only wish I had time to write more. Bravo!!!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    You can do things with words I don't even want to attempt. Things would get messy, like my sock and underwear drawer. All stuffed together, no semblance of order.
    The kaotic mind cannot handle the discipline necessary to produce such a wonderfully ordered poem.

    Well done.


  • dericlee gold member
    April 27
    Edit | Reply

    Standard notice (going to all entries)


    Given that many "first day" poems often suffer some revision before final judging (which will take place during the final three days before close) I won't comment on this poetically yet. The contest ends May 8th...I'd like to see all editing done and your product "finished" by the fifth if possible, to aid me in judging in a timely manner.

  • second-born
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow...such a lovely villanelle...with a very inspiring message...poetry is indeed a powerful tool to create a change in our world..God bless!


  • malmadre gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    Such an insightful villanelle! you used the form well to carry your timeless message, which flows so well and so spontaneously with glowing rhyme.


  • myrataal silver member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply

    Ah Amera ...

    a future perspective divine ... Soon strife is over ... and we will be stripped of all mortal deeds and needs ... and will be part of Eternity and immortality ...

    You did this so well -- structured, but free in spirit.

    Well done.

    Love
    Myra


  • Poetry-and-rhyme
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    sisssss this is aweesome
    a villanelle with such a great meaning i read twice for i enjoyed it a lot ur a genious sis

  • Paula Pears
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is fascinating, I love classic poetry forms, and I have tried to write a Villanelle, but you need so many rhymes! I am going to try again and use the link you gave me.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    Intricately woven, Sis, with much food for thought.

1 - 16 of 16