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I Can't Stop

      r         w        i         g    I beg and plead,      c       a          l        n  Head   b     w      d, I voiced my need.              o        e My body trembles when I  d                                                r                                                   o                                                       p  to my knees…Hands begin shaking when He  r e a c h e d out for me… Faced bruised, by an abuser’s blow Body scarred  from head to toe. Silence has stolen my light Even though I am  b     o        e                               r        k       n...and torn tonight....   I can't stop      loving     the man                      that I had fallen for,                       the one who said                         we would last                           for'ermore!                            what did..                              I do to                                you?  

Author notes

A contest entry for:
Damaged and broken
Free verse and creative

I went with creative oh well...it was what came to mind.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    April 28, 2008

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    I liked the first one I read better. Both are unreadable. The wirds are good but how can anyone read the words and get the meaning if not organized correctly?


  • zochit2me gold member
    April 27, 2008

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    r w i g I beg and plead,

    c a l n



    Head b w d, I voiced my need.

    o e
    I do not get this part...
    From here on it is a good poem, I love the different color detail you used for impact. I do hope you can get your original fixed and perhaps work on the beginning part...I am sorry but the all over the page just did not work for me...
    Thanks for leaving the other link to show me how it should look.

    Becky


  • Nam
    April 26, 2008

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    All over the place and quite sporadic. Beginning (basically) in black text (sadness perhaps?) and ending in red text (torment perhaps?).

    The lettering with no connections, I couldn't figure out those in the first line, I could study it a bit longer to figure them out but really do not wish to. From the "drop" on, it was quite easy to figure out but what's above that just seemed too disordered; and if that's what you were going for, okay.

    It's a nice poem but once you get past the form, and get to what you're saying, it's just too simple for the form. I would suggest adding more metaphor (if you don't have at all, then just adding metaphor) to go with the sporadic form, and telling of the feelings. I think it would also help in the emotional aspect of the poem, too.

    -Nam


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    April 26, 2008
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    zochit2me: For some reason Ap wont let me go in and correct it so i redid here in the link provided. I dont understand it but will indeed fix it when I can. Thank you and I am sorry.

    http://allpoetry.com/poem/4168029