Thoughts entertained
during day
become
evening companions,
murmuring from rocking chairs,
punctuated with occasional
pine-scented snaps
from the tiring fire;
Signposts to dreams,
porch-swing rhythms of the
incoming tide of sleep,
moonlight lamp of
subconscious paths,
wallflower shadows
invited to dance
the warm jasmine twilight of
dimming consciousness.
Let Wisdom’s gray eyes search steadily
the worthiness
of Day’s invited guests,
debarring the unwholesome
lest we merge company
along the poppied path!
Author notes
poppied: covered with poppies; or, affected as by opium's potentially fatal sleep; induced sleep
I chose option 3. Perhaps related to my age, but I do not feel I am entirely alone when I have so many memories and thoughts...
In a list
A contest entry
- SOLITARY by rainwalker.
450 points, ended April 29, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is just amazing, beautifully written. Your diction is rich. I absolutely loved this.
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This pays homage to our "golden years"...
a tribute in soft whispers of scenery
and thought that 'twine together to give
an uninterrupted visit with quietude.
I especially felt "lest we merge company
along the poppied path" where poppies signify
death or extended sleep. Either interpretation
brings meaning to the entirety of the stanza
where it is only our wisdom that keeps us from
retaining the ugliness that may come our way...
that vicious face that would render sleep in
nightmare and death in restlessness. Blue
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Such soft, lovely images throughout this piece. The picture is instilled in my mind with only a handful of words:
"pine-scented snaps
from the tiring fire;"
not to mention the assonance and the metaphor in this phrase.
These thoughts live and breathe; you are right about evicting the "unwholesome" ones.
"poppied path" suggested sleep to me; I pictured the scene from "The Wizard of Oz."
Brilliant write using an economy of words to communicate a myriad of images which carry your theme well.
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I believe this is my all time favorite piece of yours, Diane! ( I hope I haven't already said that on some other fabulous poem of yours!)
The imagery here was just spectacular and the wonderful reflection is so beautiful. I thought the gentle didactic phrasing of the last part was so deeply insightful and showed the wisdom of time well spent.
Amazing, gal!
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Excellent. I love the soft subdued mood present in this piece and the slow flow that matches it so well. Good use of word choice and imagery as well. The idea of those beloved memories keeping you company and being a comforting presence is carried across to the reader very clearly. Thank you for sharing this piece and keep on writing!
-Laura -
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Thank you so much, Laura, for the lovely comment, and for the silver in your contest
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Fantastic write here, I love this. I especially loved
"porch-swing rhythms of the
incoming tide of sleep,
moonlight lamp of
subconscious paths,
wallflower shadows
invited to dance"
A very creative and thoughtful twist on the prompt from beginning to end. Best of luck!
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These words affected me so deeply, you are describing a day in my life, as there are some days I go through without uttering a word. These first words caught me.."Thoughts entertained during day become evening companions," but solitude makes us closer to nature..
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I believe solitude allows better focus on what we find of interest and value. Nature's face is ever-changing, and she is a tireless teacher of the willing student.
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