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Bubble-Wrapped Bliss

 

Selectively polluted
calculated mind,
sarcastically convoluted,
slightly redesigned.

Protected by the bubbled
fibrillated shield,
illusive to the trouble
spoiled lovers yield.

Investment without interest,
voided heart unbounced.
Opportunity dismisses
words left unpronounced.


Others try to open eyes
damaged without sight.
Blinded by internal lies,
solemnly contrite.

Her only true possession
beats a hollow drum,
a personal transgression,
blissfully she's numb.


Author notes

Jamiedoring

POM Theme: (False) security against pain by way of allowing nothing in.

**No "a" in first or last line of each verse and no filler words ((is - but - and - with -for))**

A contest entry

: , Your review:

Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
: no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • dawn.of.juliet
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow i absolutely love this! that is fantastic! i love your use of words and the flow is FLAWLESS..! i love the theme its so amazing.. i shall keep ranting if i do not force myself to be quiet.
    let me say
    thank you SO MUCH for entering
    i shall definitely reread this several times and i will be adding it to the finalists..
    thank you!!!


  • Wayne Leon Learmond gold member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    This was fantastic. Wonderful writing here. I loved the flow and rhyme of this piece. Well done indeed. Congratulations on your trophy.

    With
    Dark
    Love
    Wayne Leon


  • teddybare
    May 24

    Edit | Reply

    a closer

    like a sales person of thought with excelent closing skills i'll say this.. the memories of love leave a dark stain.. so we can look at it next time we get those crazy ideas in our head
    max clappies you lovely lil poet you


  • Rovingone gold member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    Yes. This is a good poem to show the way one heals up and puts puts it behind you. The words never spoken, and the beating on a hollow drum. Those are my favorite parts of the poem. The words you use, like fibrillated shield, are so origonal. Even the title, which caught my eye right off, is so correct.

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    Oh boy.. I can certainly relate to this write!! I try for 'blissfully numb' as much as I can I'm afraid.

    Powerfully worded in a way that really gets that prompt across! Wonderful


  • storiesuntold gold member
    May 17

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Such truth in this write and so perfectly written .Sad it is that we blame others for our own decisions made.We rush into things seeing a perfectly painted picture only we didnt see the frame in which it was hanging and the frame or the background is what brings out what is truly we are looking at. When hurt one needs to move on and with the new information mow owned it makes the path much clearer a view. For oh yes in the pain we endure those who inflicted it doesnt realize it makes us wiser and in being wiser the heart is so protected. But never hold your heart so tight that you lose the joys of knowing love true love for you see to know the real love we so search for even with one person it takes a lifetime .


  • Short but cute
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    This is just plain awesome! I love it. I love the last lines. Great job!


  • poppa silver member
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write....amazing score from the Bear I see....love your rhyme, interesting theme, sure many can relate..


  • apoeticinjustice
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    what an awesome write this is...I can't add much that hasn't been said by all the other comments, but I'm glad I stopped by for a visit, as this is just another reason you're on my favorites. Exceptional work.
    Rory


  • Dalaney gold member
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    Smiling here...God you are so good. I missed your writing, and need to get my fill again. This poem has your trademark of intelligence and dry wit, and so full of truth. I love it. Lane


  • NeonRose silver member
    May 1
    Edit | Reply
    Knew this was going to rank near the top as soon as I read it! Congratulations on the Silver!

  • triste elle
    May 1

    Edit | Reply
    I've read this a few times now and thought I should leave a comment. Just... wow!! This is truly amazing and an excellent achievement. One thing that makes me love poetry is when you can read it and it bounces off the tongue. In other words it's fun to say and read. And this piece definitely is.


  • trista gold member
    May 1

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Jamie

    It’s good to have you join us again, and with an absolutely beautiful theme and poem! I’m glad Bear pointed out the few areas of concern already, as I am unable to leave more than a brief comment. My sincere apologies, (and I will explain in the final notes) but be assured your write has been given the same careful attention I give each poem, every week. Thank you for your entry, and good luck!

    Peace and Blessings,
    ~J

  • islekine
    May 1
    Edit | Reply

    Way to go Jamie!!

    Good job!! Do I see a GOLD in your future?
    Best wishes!
    *PEACE*
    J

  • Arkbear gold member
    April 30

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Jamie :)

    Let's begin with the Rules :)

     

    All covered from what I can see, so no deductions there.....AND, your rhyme, not a rule, is one of the best I have seen as of late....except those two words..>>

     

    *interest & dismisses*

     

    ....no problem though....beautiful everywhere else....lovely indeed ~

     

    *Investment without interest*....Brilliant!

     

    *Her only possession beats a hollow drum*

     

    ...still lovely, but a tad cliche'...IMO ~

     

    The thing which I liked most about this entry, is your ability to draw me in and make me listen to what you had to say ~

     

    Your VERY wise grammatical choices are well-noted and add a pronounced vibe to this piece of work ~

     

    I would have to say....one of the best 3 writes I have read this for this POM contest :)

     

    Not much else to say my friend....a superb job and incredible effort on your part as a Writer/Poet,

     

    ....the best to you and your beautiful entry,

     

    God bless,

    Bear ~

     

    Title   9.9...great!

    Flow   9.9....really nice -

    Depth   10

    Theme   10

    Feelings   9.95

    Grammar   10...first time for me to hand out a 10 in Grammar -

    Presentation 9.95...lovely -

    Uncommonness  9.85

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.9

    Ability to follow Rules  10

    Bears Score: 99.45

    As I told the Poet right before you...this is the best score I have handed out in this POM contest ~

    Superb job Jamie :)

    No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~


  • NeonRose silver member
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful! I love your theme, and your write! Can I "buy" an original thought from you next time?


  • Patpowers gold member
    April 30
    Edit | Reply
    Glad you took up Arkbear's contest! Nice work on this one Jamie! Good style of words! THANKS!!

  • dillpickle62
    April 29
    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    You are truely an amazing and gifted poet! This is a winner for sure. WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!


  • Floorboards
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done, nice rhyme scheme, beautifully written. Reminds me of Pink floyds Comfortably numb,
    well done and good luck in the contest,
    Floorboards.


  • IsabelCult
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wowie

    This is wicked! And I'm ever so jealous that yet another person succeeds in rhyming beautifully while I continue to fall short of the mark. Oops- rambling.

    Anyway... Lovely, lovely piece.

    Enthralling from the start, but the last stanza is magnificent, truly so.

    <333

    Keep dreaming

    S xoxox


  • angelcalled666
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    Youll win..

    I know it..


    You do make me proud...

    =]


  • SoAlmostThere
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    This poem had a beautiful flow and such rich word usage. It was amazing and I'm glad I could read it.


  • faderman1959
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    Excellently done! I loved everything about this one! The words, the flow and the imagery! Great write!

  • Punzel
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    Dude... Jamie... that rocks! Haha bubble wrap is the ultimate protector, hah? I like the last line. "Blissfully she's numb." Oh yeah. So feeling that.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wow simply stunning, you have breathed a new lease of life into this theme. Wonderful work. All the best in the contest with it
  • Rudolf
    April 27

    Edit | Reply

    golden ark bait

    this poem stands real tall
    short sweet it has it all
    teeth for bears it can bite
    like a grizzly poem write
    rudolf


  • RyanosaurusWrecks silver member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply

    you have amazing talent

    really...honestly, i find myself as one to become biased against poetry lately, seeing so much cliche...but your words form thoughts, and makes me believe in poetry again...well done


  • zochit2me gold member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    You truly are a creative writer and rhyme better than most I read on here. Many great lines in this one...too many to list.
    Protection of the heart can sometimes take on a life of its own. One must learn to forgive before moving on and never ever let past hurts close off the possibilities of future love.

    Best of luck here in the POM contest.

    Becky


  • islekine
    April 26

    Edit | Reply

    Way to go Jamie!

    At first, I thought you too were shooting for no "a"s.
    This is great...best wishes!
    Write on!
    *PEACE*

  • writingdelight silver member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    You did a great job with this. My favorite is

    Her only true possession
    beats a hollow drum,
    a personal transgression,
    blissfully she's numb.

    That is an ending with a bang that makes you think. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I love reading your work. You are one of my top three favorites, and I love a lot of poetry on this site. You are extremely talented, and I am grateful you share your poems here!!


    • jamiedoring gold member
      April 26
      Edit | Reply

      writingdelight

      Thank you.....I will be buzzing off that comment all night long! It truly means alot.

  • aboomer
    April 26
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely worded, great images.
    best wishes in the contest.

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