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with in

the window opens,
your bones feel it coming,
your get the brush off from the one,
you thought you new and trusted.

the mind is still and blue,
with no coming thoughts,
there is no life is with in you..

A contest entry

What's is your first thought's

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Simply Simple
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Worn? maybe... or perhaps slip. But I'll go with worn.

    It's a tad off really. Not bad though. Pretty good.

    Thanks for entering.


  • -BlackKnight- gold member
    June 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "Worn"?

    Also, what?


  • Blooming Poet
    April 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This has a lot of pain and various emotions penned into it. Beautiful work. One thing though, it the last line of the first stanza form did you mean from. It sounds weird otherwise.


    • Butterfly24
      April 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you ,,,i seam to all way get that word mixed up.. thank you for the comment.. my writing is a mixer as well i pen what I'm feeling. so thank you again..