The universe is my kindergarten
Finger painting Uranus on your cheek?
Is hardly what I would call a bargain,
But it is better than hide and go seek
Each day grandma drops me off to go preen
And I bee line straight for the building blocks
Architecturally, I am quite keen
(That includes reading codes, and picking locks)
Prodigy to those upon whose heads fell -
- Fruit, and even those that died in poor vain
Especially, martyrs bleeding in cells
& Oedipus, Nietzsche, Freud & Cocaine.
These child-care workers are in for a treat
When they discover this lad has hoofed feet.
Author notes
This is what I like to call an American Sonnet
Written December 15th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
It's an enjoyable read, thanks for letting me entertain you.
-
I can't decide if I read you for invasion, inspiration, or to turn green, but damn I'm having fun.
guess I'll have to buy your book.... -
OOOOOOOOOkay...hmmm...I'll think on it...LOL, J/K very nice poem...
-
wonderful
Really well done. I am sure all the geniuses in our history were considered to be the spawn of something un-natural.
A great read.
thanks,
John -
I don`t know what you call it !, but I think it is truely amazing writing
, tiz kinda deep and rather soul searching too .... I like the finger painting part ... lol tiz very clever writing indeed.
thankz for sharing
and
happy scribbling .
thankz for your earlier comments on my poetry too. -
this was a great piece, at first i wasnt going to read it cuz i had to change my age level to adult, which im too lazy to do, but now i changed it so im just leavin it that way. great poem, nicely written, and VERY VERY FUNNY
american sonnet.. haha nicely done
-
I enjoyed the trip back to kindergarten with this exceptional student! A very interesting sonnet, and very good rhymes.
Thanks for entering my contest.
-
Truly exceptional!
horus8,
I absolutely loved this. Now that I have read a Sonnet I believe that I will enjoy this type of writing style very much. You have a definite gift for using words to the fullest of their capacity evoking images of humor as well as causing one to stop and think or ponder upon what you have catenated due to the depth of your choice of words.
I enjoyed this and was able to laugh as well as found myself nodding my head in agreement. How many of us were satyrs when we were young? (Slaps the finger pointing at herself.) Then again how many of us are still satyrs as adults? (Hides so no one will see the neon sign above her head.)
Anyway, I digress, your poem is one that I truly enjoy and you have shown me what a sonnet is, thus sparking my interest in learning how to catenate them thus allowing my thoughts to egress from me into a different style of poetry.
Alimae -
Oh, good call, thanks I'll fix that.
-
Ok I can't spell epidydimis but I challenge you to get it into next Sestina/Villanelle/delete as appl.
-
This rocks. Especially the quadrivium that is Oedipus, Nietzsche, Freud and Cocaine .... marvellous. Fingering Uranus, cheek, oh boy. Who's in line nine (<---testosterone-fuelled rhyme there) should be whose, which I would say was a prime case of illiterate bastard, if I knew you, which I don't, but I say, for what it is worth: fine fine poem. Mythology meets overworked epidydymis ... hey you can write and then some as if you didn't know, blah, blah.
-
Neato. Spoken from personal experience?
I like your American Sonnet form, by the way. -
Definitely an interesting twist of humor in this sonnet. You worked the words well together. It seemed as though if it were broken into stanzas at some points it may have read just slightly different as far as the cadence with giving some lines a bit more attention than others. The only real suggestion I have on this is to take a look again at past tense for "hoofed" and possibly use "hooved" instead to be more tight on the technical aspects.
Overall, I have to say the humor on this one with being tight on the rhyme sequence is key to this one being an enjoyable read. This was so very likeable.
Thanks also for the comment on the posted item from featured. -
kimmie -
Intriguing... would like to know what makes it an "american sonnet" ... There are so many variations of the form itself, there are times when it seems if a poem is 14 lines long and rhymes in the correct pattern, has ten syllables per line, people call it a sonnet. I find the challenge of iambic pentameter a pleasure to write myself.
You have some very unique combinations of words here, refreshing and creatively done.
I like this.
~ Wendy -
Excellent
I love your humor..and in such a beautiful form as well!
Siren~
-
http://www.archaeonia.com/religion/deities/pan.htm
I found this website very helpful in appreciating this poem. While I am still not completly familiar with the character, I understand what's going on now. This piece is full of a kind of mistchivious (sp?) joy that I was missing before. It's much more humorous than I thought. Good write. I like the idea of an American Sonnet too, it's about time we had our own form Thanks for the hints-
Jess -
The hoofed feet mystery can be solved in the title of the poem.
Here's a hint Satyr, Pan, naughty little boy, Denise the menice?
Does that help?
-
I really really want to like this poem, because it has some great imagery, and I know there is something I am missing. The 'hoofed feet' refrence in particular lost me. I'm sure there is something here... it's really bothering me that I just can't get it. Okay. I truly admire the impeccable form, it's rare to see a poem on this site labeled as a sonnet that actually is one. If you could post any sort of insight as to who the speaker is in this poem, or anything else that might help me, I'd really appreciate it. When I get this, I'll comment again. Seemingly good write (good enough to stump me?) heh
Thanks-
Jess
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
4 old applause
