I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day.
This time I spend in lessons yet of love,
In hours of angst, in thought of you, belove-
ed lady, cast on winds of time, away!
The darkness howls in shadow through the trees.
And in my sleep, fall foul of dreams I do,
For frosty falls the fondest dream of you
And of you now I dream an icy breeze.
This night, and next, in guilt without a sound
Upon my chair, in darkness of the mind,
As shadowed eyes combine, I strive to find
The happiness I once in you had found.
Both head and heart, this love it does confound,
For of it now each breath does still remind.
Author notes
This sonnet is written in iambic pentameter.
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 7 Old - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended August 15, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical comments welcome
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Thank you for your entry in the contest, an interesting sonnet and pleasure to read.
All the best in judging.
Sue and Jeff
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I enjoyed reading this poem. On whole, I liked the rhyming, but some of it seemed forced, particularly the third line. The fifth through eighth lines were my favorite part. There was some unusually good imagery there and interesting turns of phrase.
Still Anonymous
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Good Job
Nice write...good flow great imagery. Nicely done.
Nevadapoet -
Great!
I do mostly freewrite, but this is fantastic. I would definitely have to familiarize myself with this form if I were to have any hope of penning as well as you. Great write again...I felt a chilling loss of love and dreams when I read this, not sure if that whas what you where striving for...~mandie~ -
awww this was sad
but I do find it beautifully written
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