Six o’clock, time to listen to
Nora, Nick Charles, Asta
'The Thin Man',
invisible to us.
Then, Cosmo Topper
stuffy, set in his ways
haunted by spirits,
Marion Kerby, George Kerby
fun-loving ghosts.
Every night our household joined
we’d sit, listen, enjoy
action, adventure
mystery, excitement
from unseen voices.
Our hero
defied gravity,
spoke all languages,
had inhuman strength,
could unravel any code,
was undetectable,
he clouded men’s minds;
Shadow knows,
'what evil lurks in the heart of men',
only he knew,
unless, storms close-by,
static in air, then signal lost,
disconcerted citizens needing closure.
People’s lives revolving round
delivery from the sky.
Author notes
POM contest entry
Theme: Old-time radio shows
((You may NOT use the Filler Words, *is..*but..*and..*with..*for ~
* There shall be no letter -a- in your first or last lines, of each stanza))
This is not quite how I wanted to do this, when I thought of this theme, but with the rules, I 'adjusted'...
I thought about calling it 'Atmospheric Voices'....yes? no? (edited from 'airways of mystery' to 'atmospheric voices')
CRAP-O!! Edit again! No one caught that I had reverted back to 40 lines!!! (ok - 6 edits now...LOL...gotta go...will check AGAIN later!)
CRAP-CRAP...LOL....not again! If this had not closed, I WOULD REMOVE THIS!!!
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1500 points, ended May 1, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Great effort on the prompt hun.....congrats on your trophy
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Thank you so much Rob! The 'prompt' was mine - as were all the edit mistakes...LOL....The rules made this one a REAL challenge...*gin*....when I get over the exhaustion from this one, I'll prob. re-do it...lol
blessings
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Now aren't you glad you didn't DQ yourself? Great write, Jan...Congratulations on your HM.
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Thanks Neon! That's still a debatable question....lol
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Hon, all I can say is...it would have been a sad, sad loss for all of us if you'd pulled this from the contest!
I seriously think I would have cried, as I read it shortly after you entered and loved, loved, loved so much about it, even knowing then you needed to edit a bit...just didn't expect what? 7 edits? 
Your AN and comments below have had me rolling, and though this is one you'll forever remember as being a headache to write I think you can safely and deservingly pat yourself on the back. Well done! 
(And I really want to read your "follow-up" poem!)
I'm so glad you changed the title. This was a good choice indeed, and would be my pick for best title for this PO contest. It's catchy and intriguing, just what's needed to draw a reader into a poem, and fits the write perfectly.
I agree with Bear's review completely, so I don't want to repeat him. I will add that the ending, or the transition between those last 2 stanzas, felt a bit abrupt. I see from your comments this was a longer write at some point, so that may have something to do with it. Also, there is such a wealth of commas here that it hindered the flow for me more than anything else. As is, it's not that they're unnecessary - grammatically it's correct. But, I'd rather see a few parts broken down with full stops and fewer commas. (Don't forget you can use line breaks to give a bit of a pause too. ) It might require a bit of rearranging in wording, but that would be easier once the contest has ended and those pesky rules aren't an issue.
Not, I'm sure, that you are anxious to edit this again any time soon.
Sadly, I missed out on the era of radio shows like this, but my parents talk about it quite often and how much they enjoyed it. But I do remember the radio stations on Christmas Eve reporting on Santa's whereabouts throughout the world and how exciting that was to me. I think part of the enjoyment was, like reading a good book, allowing people to envision things for themselves.
A very fine entry you've penned with wonderful impact and originality of theme. Good luck, and thank you so much for the entry...and your hard work and determination to get this to meet all the rules.
Peace and Blessings,
~J.
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Thank you so much 'trista' for such a lovely comment and critique - that helps a lot in knowing my stubborn determination paid off somewhat.
I think the final count on edits was prob. around 9!!! The 'a's kept shifting on me..lol...and by the time I changed words and edited, somehow I had the OLD 40 line limit..
...which really threw me in a tailspin! I would have removed immediately but contest had closed and I didn't want to appear 'rude'....so I dodgedly plowed on...hahaha. (oddly, this 'perseverance' would have been PERFECT for the prompt Neon and I got in a co-lab. contest!)
(I'll see if I can find my 'notes' on the "Wandering A"...lol)
Thanks again for the lovely critique and all the work you put into these contests.
best wishes
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Pesky Rules????
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Way to go!
I should delete mine before the bear gets there..
but then, that wouldn't be nice..
....(Bear probably has a way of re entering it for me) IF I get a worse score than last week, I shall refrain for awhile.
lol...Best wishes! Its a winner!
*PEACE* -
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nope, wouldn't have been nice to delete...that's why I didn't even though I should have! And we'll survive with fun memories....won't we?....
best wishes -
Too late!
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Hey boomer :)
Rich, tasteful, original and clever write!
Loved the whole thing....not much to critique about this write, as I found everything in place and ready for my review :)
I laughed at all (most) of your comments below, and I was impressed with the many you have comments received....bravo!
You have become a force to reckon with here in the PO' contests, and to bring a Theme like this to us this month, is why ~
Brilliant :)
I do remember the days of radio, as we had no TV to watch out in the mountains, but only a radio with batteries.....and most of my best memories are still found back in the Ozark Mountains in my dreams :)
I loved this write.....a tad weak on Power and Impact, but imagery and Lasting Impression is what I found extrodinary about this piece of Art :)
There is only one other write so far which I still remember right off from reviewing today.....and this will be another.....so great job there!
....and I like the present Title :)
I think you sorta went Prose'ish on me....but border-line....so please remember to keep it in poetic form at all times :)
I do believe your 3rd stanza is a tad long, full of descriptive nouns and not enough information on each.....but over-all, a nice vision of thought you have brought to me :)
Let's see how this entry scores, shall we?
Good luck boomer and may God bless you always,
Bear ~
Title 9.85
Flow 9.2.....stumbled a bit, as free verse tends to take on its' own Tone -
Depth 9.75
Theme 10
Feelings 9.65
Grammar 9.5....seemed a bit windy in places....for me -
Presentation 9.95
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 97.9
Nice job :)
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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lol - what a contest for you.....had one to give you nightmares, one to laugh at the AN's, and one to put you back to sleep - snoring even!..
Thank you for such a lovely critique and nice score! I have to say for some odd reason, these 'pesky' rules gave me a headache! I still think it was a computer glitch that kept shifting my 'a's into the wrong lines...
You mentioning the Ozarks gave me some 'thoughts'...I spent my formative years there in the Ozarks, some of my earliest and best memories are out there in 'them there hills'....
Thanks again.
blessings
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Teeheehee! I really like this, and your author notes,, memories, such memories,
good luck pal!
Alex.
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Thank you so much Alex! I think it's past the luck stage...lol..now it's into the 'burning ceremony' stage.....I don't know why I had so much trouble with this one - guess too many outside influences going on and disrupting my short attention span...LOL
anyways....
best wishes to you also.
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Great, unique theme....written nicely and your AN notes cracked me up since I found myself in the same boat, edit after edit, lol. You did a fantastic job and good luck to you in the contest!
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oh - and the WORST was when I got it ALL fixed and discovered I had reverted back to 40 lines!!!
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Thank you so much Jamie....appreciate your nice comment.
I SWEAR everytime I edited, that after I left that page, the computer shifted my "a"s around on me!!LOL.....I couldn't believe it! Then I'd change a word, double check, leave, come back and find another "a" had wandered!!! I even wrote a poem last night on the "wandering A's"..LOL...almost deleted my entry entirely and substituted the "wandering a's"...
best wishes to you.
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Wow you stepped up to this challenge well, not surprised you had to edit so much with those rules. (I say rule...torture more like) Love the theme, used to love listening to the radio on a wed night when I was young (gosh I sound old!). A superbly penned poem hun, you met the challenge very well. Good luck
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Thank you so much 'LadyD'.! Just was a day I shouldn't have written, I think. Too much stress on outside things. (I'll send you the follow-up I did to this.LOL...)..but I finally got it right - I think.
blessings
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your theme should be editing. LOL
as per your ANs..
lol
a fine piece,
I do believe it fits this contest well...
(you can breathe now)
WELL DONE
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Thank you so much 'Ryan..'...actually last night (after last edit)I did write a follow-up on the editing on this - had quite a few up here laughing out loud! (no, I didn't post it!)
It was just a bad day for me to write, I guess - too much going on at home that was highly stressful. Oh well, I tried.
best wishes
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Ohhh...totally awesome theme...loved the line...Shadow knows!LOL! That is stuck in my mind now! I can just catch a vision of everyone sitting anxiously around the old radio, waiting to be entertained! I really liked this. A wonderful nostalgic taste!
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Thank you so much Az! oh, for the simple times of just sitting around a radio and listening to the mysteries unfolding. Life was not as stressful then.
blessings
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how unique Lady Ab...your flow is fantastic..thanx so much for sharing..hugs a bunch..blessings..namaste..
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Thank you so much 'vici377' for reading, lovely comment and clappies. Unique?...I'll say...only thing I've ever written that I had to edit 7 times!!! I am now planning a bonfire for this write - special ceremony!
blessings
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This is great, aboomer! Love your theme.
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Thank you so much Neon! I had to give those rules a 'whirl'...LOL...(although, they whirled me enough!)
best wishes
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Well penned!
Oh I was working on one too...then alllllll of those rules came...and I started over...I may or may not make it! Best wishes my friend! Great Job! We don't have T.V. so this strikes a note with me, as radio is my main communication to the outside world...
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Thank you so much 'islekine'.! Had to give it a try...hope you get yours in!
Your main communication? You mean after the Internet?..
best wishes
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I like this
Takes you back in time when you had to visualize the stories in your mind.
Yes change the name it sounds much better.
Good luck in the contest
Julie
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lol - I think I went blind and brain-fogged on my last edit... ...had it in my mind that ALL filler words had to come out, so took out all the 'the', too...LOL....I quit!!!
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Thank you Julie! Ok, I changed the title - have edited 4 times now...lol....as I kept finding a pesky 'a' in the wrong place!!!
Yes, it was exciting to listen every night - and so upsetting when the radio waves went bye-bye!!
thanks -
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Never quit
Leave it there and see xx
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