Finger prints blemish sheen;
impressions on speckless countenance,
pain has striking resemblance,
spiteful, soring, unseen.
Twinging words echo loud;
blandishments spur in head,
adequate doses personally fed,
deceit coiled in shroud.
Footprints lie on slipping mud;
stains on heart from water puddle,
life entangled in puzzle,
descending from skies, pythonic thud.
Hopes, wishes submerge forlore;
shadows, breath, soul, all desert,
life alters courses to hurt,
never to be identic once more.
Author notes
POM contest
For theme I would say its personal. It will be taken as a dark theme and may not be considered as a fresh topic, but this is personal and comes from heart is all I would say.
Speckless - Spotless
Pythonic - Large
Forlore - Lost completely
Identic - Same
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1500 points, ended May 1, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Great write! Congratulations on your HM
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I've read this over several times, and each time I'm able to find more depth and more to appreciate within it. Very nicely done!
This is one of few (maybe even the only) entry I've seen that may have actually benefited from the crazy rules we have for this PO. I wonder if words like "pythonic" and "identic" would have made it in, otherwise? Well, either way I loved your grammar choices, and while I appreciated the definitions in the AN to verify those words' meanings, I was largely able to figure them out just from the context of your phrases.
Originality of your theme is helped by the unique metaphors and descriptions you've used, which goes to show that even tired subjects can have fresh life.
I disagree with Bear's assessment of the depth for reasons of being able to relate, but that is bound to change from person to person. It's natural this will resonate easier or more in some than others. Personally, I felt you kept it just vague enough that the part of the story that is personal to you was left out, while feelings of disappointment and hurt were recognizable and easily relatable.
Other than some tweaking for flow and the title, I find very little to critique. Great job with the rhyme too, btw. Overall, a fine entry for the POM. Thanks so much for your entry, and I hope we see more of you whenever possible.
Peace and Blessings,
~J. -
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Hey J, thanks for your inspiring comments. i really feel good and happy that the poem was liked by you. such comments really boost morale, point areas of improvement and make me strive to do better.i do realize title could have been way better. but just didnt occur at that time.and i was in kind of hurry to post the poem b4 it was late!!! hey hey. thanks to you all for holding such contests and dedicating so much time and patience. it genuinely helps me improve..! thanks a ton.
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Crazy Rules?????
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haahaa crazy rules!!! well they may sound crazy rules,but were it not these rules, this poem wouldn't be what it is.
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Hi vibes :)
Finger prints....one word..>>>fingerprints
Ok....your Theme....I think is brilliant, with a freshness never seen with my eyes ~
Penning such a piece involves a lot of touching base with your insides, and bringing it out onto paper, is the whole Challenge :)
Nice job vibes!
....and nice job on folllowing rules :)
Each stanza is penned with wise ink.....and I enjoyed the vision you showed me in each :)
Your inside and outside rhyme is really nice and your efforts are well-noted ~
Thank you for adding defintions in your AN ~
Your metaphores are breath-takingly beautiful for a dark write.....which I did not find as dark as some other Reviewers did....but rather, in depth ~
Well....there is not really much more to say, surprisingly....hehe.....but I will remind you.....always remember, my areas of critiqe shall not change, therefore, try to implant each area which receives score into your write, and you will not only do well, but you will pass your fellow Poets in score and with Lasting Impression :)
This may seem short, but to me, you have either done well, or you will need to look at what it is I DIDN'T say :)
Good luck vibes and may God continiue to bless you and your quill,
Bear ~
Title 9.0....too cliche' for my taste -
Flow 9.8...stumbles a bit...but really nice over-all -
Depth 9.4...only because I could not totally relate to Theme as it is personable to YOU -
Theme 9.4
Feelings 9.6
Grammar 9.75
Presentation 9.9
Uncommonness 9.5
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.25
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 95.6
Could have been a couple of points higher I believe ~
.....I guess I expect more from you.....and that is a compliment :)
No editing!
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Thanks Bear... that genuinely is a compliment.. and i thank you for that. i am trying to do better. i feel i have come a long way from where i began. but i know that the journey has just begun.I sincerely think about things you and other judges have told me in past and try to incorporate as much as i can.. will keep on striving to do my best. though for sometime now, my poem writing will be very very limited. but i do hope that what i write is good and impressive. (impressive - i do hope its liked by all.. but impressive most of all for myself.something i know i can be proud of.) Thanks Bear for your guidance and valuable comments! i really adore your patience and dedication.
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Nice! You have made it look so easy, but then you should be an old hand with these rules
Love the wording you have used. A beautifully written poem. All the best in the contest with it
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Nice use of language. I had to look up some of these words..*
*..Well done, poet.
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Deep and dark....
Best wishes in the contest! Don't forget to put PO
in your AN..
Write on!
*PEACE*
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thanks so so much for reminding! i had forgotten! thanks dear....
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Deep, thoughtful piece. and I like some of your images, too.
best wishes in the contest
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wow, this piece is very deep...
yes, according to your Author Notes, it does appear to be quite dark...
and persoal too... wow...
good luck in the contest!
mike, aka jonathan wikkins
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